Unexpected joy …

I woke up a few times last night … because I was FREEZING. The weather here is certainly changing. And I LOVE IT. My younger self is at a loss with my newfound love of colder weather. I have to admit, it’s strange coming from a woman who mourned summer’s end every year for decades. Anyway, after my walk this morning, my happy frozen self, found a cozy quiet moment before anyone else woke up. And I started to think. I am not sure if my appreciation of colder weather would have progressed without the happenings of 2020. But I do know that it’s incredible how you can be one way your whole life, then change, so naturally, and start to enjoy something that you never ever did before. A human being’s ability to evolve is simply amazing to me! It makes me excited to know that there is still so much unexpected joy out there just waiting to be discovered. So, I guess I’m going to add this treasure to my list of personal wins for the year … and hope to add a few more before it ends.

Chasing dreams and finding joy (again) …

I had such a great run this morning. But probably not for the reasons you would think. I wasn’t fast and it wasn’t monumentally long. It didn’t signify the beginning of a training or the end of one. It was a normal run that made me happy. That deep runner happy! I guess I was just so grateful to be out there. Again.

My running over the past two years was not marked with great successes. I had some goals that got me feeling comfortable with running distance again, but for the most part running was for fun and to stay fit. Today as I ran, I started thinking about the running goals that I’ve had in the past. They have seemed so unattainable since I got sick. But today when I was out there I looked back on the past two years and realized that I’m making my way back to the runner I used to be. Slowly (like literally, HA!) but surely, I am regrowing the heart I had for running and seeing my past goals more clearly. I feel THAT passion stirring in my heart and it’s driving me to chase my dreams all so over again. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment and disappointment but I think I’m ready to put myself out there. Whether I have success or face more failure and setbacks, I really don’t care, because I can’t shake how good it felt being out there today dreaming the way I used to. It was honestly a gift.

Well, I hope you hope you all have a day where you chase your dreams and find your joy (again)!!!

Nothing is impossible …

When I race there are two cities that effect me emotionally like no other cities do. The first is Ventura, California where I started running again. And the second is San Francisco where I ran my first marathon. This weekend I raced in San Francisco and it brought up the usual thoughts and feelings that I am flooded with when I am here. I was reminded of the adversity that I faced getting to my first start line and crossing my first finish line. There were about two decades of my life that I didn’t allow the thoughts of accomplishing those goals to enter my head. I believed that they were unreachable. But one brave moment, a little prayer spoken and a giant leap of faith taken would show me that I was mistaken. That the dreams I had were not gone, they had just been quieted.

My race this weekend wasn’t monumental as far as accomplishments go but it did remind me of something important. Obstacles and setbacks will only derail me from reaching my goals for as long as I allow them to. It’s my choice to give up or to keep chasing my dreams. And if I let them, tough times can be used to motivate me to dream even bigger.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you believe that nothing is impossible!!!

Looking back and moving forward …

This morning I was looking at my Facebook Memories and realized that 5 years ago today Sidney and I attended a traveling college open house event. She was at the beginning part of her junior year and this visit would be the catalyst to more than I could have ever imaged. This would eventually be the university Sidney would choose to attend.

In the post I struggled with all of it. I guess nothing has changed there, HA! But it was amazing to see how much time DID change things. I remember that day perfectly. It would be the beginning of so much; a pre-college stay on campus, tours of the city, the application process, a portfolio, her senior year of high school and what would come to be her final year at home. What a journey it has been. To see how much she has grown is incredible. She has accomplished much. As I progressed through all of that with her I could not deny that she was on the right path. She FIT perfectly through every door that was opened for her. I watched her fall in love with all of it. And because she had the courage to take a chance on herself she has now created a wonderful life for herself. Despite being so young at the time my baby girl chose her future wisely. She listened to her heart and committed to nurturing and growing the gifts and talents God gave her. And in what seems like the blink of an eye … “my baby” girl grew up.

Five years.

A lot can happen in 5 years. Nothing in our lives looks the same as it did back then. Applying this knowledge to our futures fills me with a sense of excitement, but also with a little MOM sadness too. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the simpler times when my big kids where little. I do. But watching them mature and seeing them chase their dreams and achieve their goals brings me overwhelming amounts of joy. I have mentioned before that this process comes with many ups and downs for me. I don’t do any of this gracefully. I feel my way through it. I’m thankful that my kids allow me to SIT with all of it in my own way. After all, it’s not just them who has been growing in all of this. I have learned and changed too. I am honestly fascinated at how so many lives can grow together yet still be on their own personal paths. I have come to believe that THIS is what life and love should look like when they are set in motion over a lifetime. And I don’t think I have ever been a part of something more beautiful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you look back and move forward!!!

Libs and here we go again …

Yesterday Libs took the PSAT. She took one last year, in her sophomore year, and did well. We also arranged to have her take an unofficial SAT about two months later just to see how she would do. The test evaluator was pleased to see her score since Libs was technically about 18 months out from taking the official SAT. When the evaluator found out that Libs had forgotten her calculator she changed from “pleased” to “shocked” that Libs did as well as she did.

Telling you all of that is not to brag about my smart kid. Trust me, she IS smart, but it’s because she works so hard. Heck, Libs welcomed all the testing last year just so she could see where she was AT educationally. She’s always thought this way. She is the kid who checks her student portal obsessively after a test or big project. So much so that we had a year when we had to implement a time cutoff to check grades because she would get upset if they weren’t posted. It would ruin her whole evening. That limit really helped her balance fun and work and helped her to see that there is a time (and importance) for both. Anyway, Libs has some lofty college goals and when she started verbalizing them to me we had a long talk (several actually) about what it would take to achieve them. She knows it won’t be easy but she knows what she has to do to make it all happen. When I saw her commitment to her goals and saw how it was all effecting her I went to her counselor, coaches and favorite teachers to let them know what she wants. All of them were on board. Libs has the support of MANY. An army of people who see that she CAN achieve the goals that she has set for herself. As a mom, I couldn’t be more thankful. But I have to say that yesterday has been a stark reminder of times that are soon to change. Again. I’ve been down this road twice before. It is a beautiful road but it does have its’ thorns. The reality of my third baby growing up is creeping in. As much as it all fills my heart with joy, I find (ONCE AGAIN) that my heart can ache at the same time. I have no doubt that when it’s time for Libs to head to college that she will be ready. She will embrace the new life laid before her. She will thrive as an adult. But until then, I will cherish every last childhood moment that I am blessed to share with her.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you see it all happening again!!!

A weird mind …

Have you ever had a dream that stuck with you all day? I sure do! And I had one last night. It was a doozy! I have always taught my kids to never back down from a challenge and to always stick up for themselves, but perhaps my self-conscious believes that they might one day take it all too far.

Last night I had a dream that Reese made friends with and tamed a freaking grizzly bear cub! But that wasn’t all of it. My dream spun off into another saga that included George and Libs trying to bring to justice a man and woman who dented my car. As it turns out they didn’t just dent my car, they were part of a huge crime ring and Libs and George were determined on taking them down!

Deep down the therapist in me is screaming to do some research on these dreams. But I’m just going to do us all a favor and call it how I see it.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t have a WEIRD MIND!!!

Rise to the occasion …

There is NOTHING like seeing my children overcome adversity and succeed despite the odds stacked against. To watch them persevere mentally and physically, amidst self doubt, just fills this mama’s heart with pride. And seeing them come to the realization that taking a chance on themselves is worth it, will ALWAYS fill my heart with joy. I can attest, when your child realizes that they ARE capable of reaching goals and living out their dreams, it is truly a beautiful moment.

Well, I hope you all had a day where you rose to the occasion!!!

Go for it …

What makes us not pursue our heart’s desire? I know the answers are vast on this one. Fear. Guilt. Time. Obligations. Money. I am sure that most of us can come up with a list a mile long. I know I have! And I’d say that probably most are valid and reasonable excuses. Reasons that make our decision, to not chase our dreams, absolutely understandable. BUT, if I’ve leaned one thing in my five decades it’s this … every time I’ve been given one teeny tiny arrow pointing me in the direction of my goals, it has been a good enough reason to make them a priority. And ultimately it has all brought me a lot of joy.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you GO FOR IT!!!

Squirrels and ice skates …

I’m on Day 2 of my taper. For those if you who don’t know what that is, it’s when marathon training miles significantly decline. Miles decrease so that your muscles have time to mend before race day. There is a whole science behind it that I don’t necessarily understand, but I trust it. Anyway, taper time is usually hard for me. Many runners that I know also find it to be an uncomfortable time. It’s a waiting game until race day. For me I usually get super worried I’ll get sick or end up injured. I’d love to just sit in a protective bubble the next few weeks. But that obviously can’t happen, so I walk around like a nut for a few weeks. My family loves it … NOT. Anyway, I’m having a particularly rough time this go around. I’m only two days in and it’s been ROUGH. Last night my taper even invaded my dreams! I dreamt that I adopted a wild squirrel. Rather he adopted me. He refused to leave our house so I kept him. He was super fluffy and mischievous. I gave him a bath and took him to the vet. I even let him sleep on the pillow next to me. He was so cute! If that wasn’t strange enough, after I got my new pet settled I went ice skating to get over my fear of falling. CLEARLY I have been running with the early morning squirrels for far too long. And as for my fear of falling, it’s real. I slipped last November when we were up in the mountains. I came down hard and I hurt my back and tailbone. It stirred up all sorts of memories for me. One being a freak accident that I was in when I was 15 years old that left me with a broken vertebrae. It pretty much squelched all my running dreams at the time. My up-coming race is downhill. You tend to pick up a lot of speed coming down those hills. And it’s been in the back of my head that I could fall again. I guess somehow my early morning encounters with squirrels and my fear of falling leaked into my subconscious thoughts last night. And combined. Good Lordy. Race day can’t come soon enough.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t mix everything together!!!

Tapping back in …

Sooooo … I have a race on Sunday. I haven’t raced since last July and that was just for fun when I was in Alaska with friends. Sunday will be fun too but it’s also me officially starting to race seriously again. It is both scary and exciting. Getting sick messed with my mind, body and soul. I’ve slowly crept out of the funk it put me in and I feel like I’m finally owning that my heart is vested in my dreams again. I’m a LONG way off from achieving them. Trust me, Sunday’s race will be slow and steady to the finish. No where near my old finishing times. But you know what? I am going to appreciate every single second of it because those footsteps are the beginning of me believing in myself again.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you tap back in!!!