A BIG SIGH of relief …

I woke up this morning feeling something I hadn’t in a very long time. RELAXED. Sidney has been home from college for about a month now. George graduated from high school last night. Libs and Reese have their last day of school today. Our absolutely exhausting, unpredictable, and stressful school year is OVER. There were many times when I wondered if we were going to make it out of this one unscathed by our circumstances. It was a tough one. This past week one particularly memory has come to mind time and time again.

I was just recently out of the hospital. On top of everything else my vision was terrible even with my glasses on. Between the medications and being so sick everything was just a blur. But there George and I were, sitting in front of his computer finishing up his college applications. I remember thinking HOW? How exactly are we going to get from HERE to THERE? And what if we didn’t? The worry was incredible. So much “hinged on” those applications. Too much to even imagine the loss. He needed my guidance. He needed my help. No excuse was good enough. It all had to get done and it had to get done then. His future wasn’t going to wait for me to feel better and for me to see clearly again. So we did what we had to do and got them done despite our obstacles.

And here we are. Many months later. Sid home for summer and soon to be entering her Junior year in college. Libs with a Distinguished Scholar Award for keeping a 4.0 her Freshman year. My Reese thriving and ready to take on 2nd Grade. And George, a high school graduate leaving for college in just two short months. I can’t believe we got from THERE to HERE. Their resilience amazes me. They persisted and it all paid off. We made it. THEY made it.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you breathe a BIG SIGH of relief!!!

Life takes you back …

Tonight Sid and I are headed to our local Road Runner Sports for a Mother’s Day Celebration Fun Run. I’m so excited! When Sid moved out and went to college I lost my fun run buddy. Now that she is back (until August) I get a glimpse of what used to be. It makes me so happy to know that although life may pull us in different directions we can still find time to share the things we love. This is the stuff I live for!

Well, I hope you all have a day where life takes you back!!!

Living lovingly in denial …

I absolutely love having all of my kids at home. The laughter and conversations. The loudness and busyness. Listening to them “catch up” with each other. I love it ALL! Being a parent who was only child I wanted so much so to have a home filled with lots of children. I have been blessed to live that dream.

This may sound silly, but as my kids where growing up it never occurred to me how much it would affect me when they left home to go to college. At minimum, I WAY underestimated those feelings. It has been terribly hard to be so far away from Sidney. I miss her very much when she is gone. And the worry! Let’s not even discuss THAT one! YIKES!

Anyway, I remember when Sid’s second semester of her senior year rolled around, my emotions where similar to that of a roller coaster on steroids. I was utterly shocked at myself. Even I didn’t know it could be THAT emotional, HA! And now, with G3 just a few weeks shy of graduating, I have been overwhelmed with all the same emotions. The same feelings of loss and elation all over again. I’m tearful one minute and excited the next. How is this possible?!?! Isn’t this process supposed to get easier?!?! Because it’s not, at least not for me. And that’s OK. These feelings remind me of just how blessed I am to love so deeply these wonderful beings I get to call my children. I am thankful that our close bonds have made these milestones emotionally charged. Love really does crazy things with your heart. I have written before, that as painful as this growing-up process is, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have found no greater joy than loving my children and watching them plan to leave home to chase their dreams. It truly is beautiful.

I am so thankful that we are all together again. I know it’s not going to last very long. But for now, for the next few months while they are all home, I’m going to pretend that I don’t know that times like these will become fewer and farther between. I’m going to love them like always and relish in the joy I feel just being their mom … appreciating every precious second.

Well, I hope you all have day where you live lovingly in denial!!!

We survived …

A holiday. A move home. Three 4-hour dress rehearsals. Two of three (the third being tonight) musical performances. A school cranival. A very important application submission. An AP final exam. And an 18-miler. Ya know, amongst all the other things we normally do around here in a week. I’m lucky we crawled out unharmed. I think …

Well, I hope you all have a day where you survived!!!

I refuse to let go … 

For a few hours today we got to spend some time with Sidney in San Francisco. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out for her to spend the whole weekend with us but it was sure nice to get the time that we did with her. I think that I’ve always valued our time together but as my kids get older it seems like I cherish it even more. I know that time with all four of them together will get harder to pull off as their lives become more busy and life gets in the way. As sad as that makes me it also is exciting to see where life will take them. As their mother, I hope that wherever it may be that they are living out their hearts’ desire. Oh … and that airfare there is cheap because they aren’t getting rid of me that easily, HA!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you refuse to let go!!!

Happy to have my heart ripped out …

Yesterday we visited Sonoma State University. G3 was accepted there a few weeks ago. He still is undecided on which university he wants to attend and this is all part of the process to help him decide. I think the campus is lovely. In this mom’s opinion, the dorms couldn’t be more perfect for him. And the whole feel of the university just felt right to me. But but other than contributing a little parental guidance and my knowledge and familiarity with campus life, I am allowing him to make this very adult decision. As hard as it is to admit, G3 is almost an adult now. He’s a smart, level headed young man. I know his future is bright no matter where he ends up studying. As much as I want to, I don’t need to “hand hold” him on this one. He’s got this. And it makes me both incredibly proud … and sad. I feel all the parental “feels”.

“Where has time gone?”

“I want to be mama bear and protect my son … FOREVER!”

“I don’t want him to leave!”

But then there is also the part of me that cannot think of any greater joy than watching my children follow their dreams. I have been down this road before with Sidney. It is an all too familiar emotional roller coaster that is both beautiful and horrible all at the same time! Yet as painful as it can be watching this all go down, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Well, I hope you call have a day where you are happy to have your heart ripped out!!!

Sad …

I don’t mean to sound greedy because I have had a wonderful time with her, but Sid is leaving to go back to San Francisco this evening … and I’m sad.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you aren’t sad!!!