We were all over the place yesterday. We started off with a relaxing morning at our hotel. Then we picked up some more things for George's dorm room and went to a nice lunch. We later headed into San Francisco to drop off some things at Sidney's new place and also for some fun. After an unusually late dinner we headed back to our hotel. We were all pretty tired from our day and George fell asleep on the way home. I was glad. He has a HUGE day tomorrow. It's not every day that you move into your first college dorm room.
Anyway, I realized that he fell asleep about 30 minutes into our drive back when his breathing changed. It caught my attention and I looked over at him. He was sound asleep and I was suddenly stuck with more emotions than my heart could handle. It was like my entire being was flooded with 18 years of memories. Memories of my precious baby boy who has now GROWN into an incredible young man. A man about to start his new life at college. A man about to chase his dreams. And it all seems to have happened in the blink of an eye. It overwhelms me. All of it. I couldn't be prouder of my son. Or happier. But I am sad for me. I am going to miss this kid. A lot.
I reached over and touched George's face as he slept. It has changed so much. HE has changed so much. I guess I startled him as he woke long enough to grab ahold of my hand. His hands are not the little boy's hands who held my mine all those years ago. They are a man's LARGE hands. My hearts wanted to scream out, "Who's hands are these? Where are my baby boy's hands?" But I didn't. I know who's hands they are. And it's all just so hard to believe.
George held my hand briefly before falling back to sleep. I continued our drive back to the hotel thinking about the years that have passed and the years that lie ahead. All that newness. But knowing in my heart that it's time. It's time for all this TREMENDOUS change. Life has brought us here. And this is where we must part (at least temporarily) and trust where God is going to lead us. Son and mom. Mom and son. Son. Mom. Wherever life takes us. THIS is where we let go.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are ready for the next BIG thing!!!
My kids are honestly incredible people. Yesterday was another busy day for us. With two kids moving out this week and trying to coordinate travel plans and accommodations for everyone it's been NUTS. Every time I felt like I could set a sold plan in place someone had a problem or something didn't work. Ugh. Then I had all the finalizing of paperwork. When you have four kids, trust me, there will always be one more form to complete and an email to write. ALWAYS. Especially right before school starts. Again, ugh. I got a lot done yesterday and I was a little frazzled, to say the least. But last night, these kids of mine, made my entire day better. Heck, they made it great!
I was about to make dinner when they told me that they wanted me to stop and go get ready because George was going to take me out to dinner and a movie. They had planned it all out together. Libs and Sid were going to watch Reese and I was going to have a nice night out with my son before he leaves for college. WOW! I was honestly so taken back I could hardly speak. It was one of those silent shocked moments. Never did I expect them to do something like that for me. In the midst of all our craziness, life changes and moving boxes, my kids made sure that they thought of me. I know they see how much I struggle sometimes. My burdens. My pain. And they definitely know how emotional I've been lately. But as a mom, I never think about those things. I just do what has to be done (and probably go a little overboard) to make sure their lives go smoothly and that their needs are taken care of. It's just a natural mom function. Like blinking, but with your heart. Last night my kids took care of me and gave me a night to relax and enjoy myself. It was so kind. And I can't think of a moment that it was more needed. And appreciated. I know I say it a lot, but I really do have the greatest kids in the world.
Well, I hope you all have a day where the people you love most make you feel very special!!!
Next Sunday I will wake up to two sleeping children. Not four. Sid will be in her new house and George will be settled into his dorm. It will be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. I'm trying very hard to picture what this new chapter will look like. What it will sound like. And what it will feel like. But I just can't. I'm not sure if it's my heart or my head that can't fully grasp it all. But I can understand why I can't. It's just too big. It's all so emotionally charged. And it's unfamiliar. A life not yet experienced. A life unknown. I'm literally at a loss at what to expect. So, I guess I'll have to wait to see what it's like when I wake up next Sunday morning. BIG sigh.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you can't imagine what it will be like!!!
Our house is a disaster. Moving Sid and George out of the house on the same day is just NUTS. But it is the only way it all makes sense logistically and with the time frames we have been given. So, we have two people who are cleaning out their rooms and closets. They are also, at the same time, boxing up things that they will take with them, things they will leave here and things they will donate. Then you have me who keeps buying things to make sure they have exactly what they need to actually move out. We also Libs who is getting ready to start her sophomore year of high school and a busy tennis season. And we have an excited Reese who is eager to "help" with everything. Oh! And let's not forget the online orders that are starting to arrive. You know, the stuff I thought should be ordered for school for the younger girls to save time as summer draws to an end. Yep, this house is an explosion of boxes and bags. And you know what?
I love it.
I look around and I see FAMILY and LIFE and LOVE. I see ADVENTURE and NEW BEGINNINGS. It's what's happening NOW to and for my most favorite people in the world. It is a snapshot in our lives. A time that will pass quickly but will have lasting memories. This is US. And our US is on the verge of another major change. It excites my soul and breaks my heart all at once. I want to keep my children little and safe and with me. But I also want them to grow and experience life and learn every lesson they can even if that takes them away from me.
I will always look back at this time in our lives as truly special. An unexpected gift from God. When Sid moved out I wasn't sure if we would ever get this much time together again. I accepted that. But when I got sick last Fall it's all that I could think of. US. Together again. These past few months with everyone home has been exactly what I had hoped for … and needed. To see it all change again is hard. But I refuse to be greedy. I got my heart's desire. Now it's time for these amazing young souls, that I had the privilege to raise, to venture out into the world. I can't wait to see what is in store for them. For me. For us.
Thursday is coming quickly. The day all this change goes into motion. I'm ready. More importantly, THEY are ready. I am consumed with every mom emotion I have ever felt. I am blessed to feel so much and experience this unusual balance between loss and gain again. Life will take on a new shape for us. I know this and it's OK. Our time together will be altered by distance, schedules, and responsibilities. But we will figure it all out. Love just does. A new normal will soon set in and this transition will become another notch on our family belt. The hardness of this will all fade away. But for now, I will just cherish every last familiar messy moment we get spend together. Boxes and bags included.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you're going to miss this!!!
I love Sunday mornings. I usually wake up before everyone else like usual but I’m not rushing to do anything or to go anywhere. I enjoy the silence of the house. And even more, the sounds of everyone eventually waking and coming to find me. I have grown to love this routine. When we travel it is somehow even better. There is even more calm and silence before they wake. There is no rushing at all. I relax. Drink my coffee. Write. There is also an excitement looming regarding whatever adventure we have planned for that day. Then, I wait and listen to hear them wake. It’s different when we travel. With a family as large as mine we usually require a suite or at least two rooms to accommodate all of us. Even with the space, the sounds of our Sunday are different. The closer proximity allows me to hear their breathing and movement that often reminds me of when my crew were babies. They are definitely not babies anymore. Sid and George are adults now. In September Libs will be turn 15 and Reese, 8. Sometimes I can’t believe how much time has passed since I first became a mom. It’s honestly mind-boggling. I have been blessed to be home with all of them since day one. I can honestly say that I haven’t missed much of their childhoods. I love when they tell me that too. They appreciate it just as much as I do. I know that because I haven’t missed much that it makes it much harder for me to let go. To have had the privilege of raising them and watch them grow up is the greatest gift God has ever given me. I love them so much. With all the change that is coming, George off to college for the first time and Sid returning to hers, I seem to cherish every moment I share with them collectively even more. They really are my world. And no matter how far away life and their dreams may take them, they will always be my babies. So, it may seem silly to some that I’ve grown to love the sounds of our lazy Sunday mornings, but for this mama, these sounds mean family.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you listen to the sweet sounds of your family!!!
With Sid and George off to college in just a few short weeks, I’ve had a lot to think about. Some of it makes me sad. Some of it makes me happy. Some of it makes me wonder about how the dynamics of our house will change minus two adults. Libs and I have even been trying to imagine meals and how those will look with them gone. On top of our busy Fall school schedule ahead this should be interesting. We have had busy schedules before but cooking for so few people will just be weird. So weird that we are looking into changing things up. A lot! This afternoon Libs and I were researching healthy meal delivery programs that manage all the portions and ingredients for you. All you do is cook them when they arrive to your home. I look at it like a personal challenge to keep healthy meals flowing in this house despite our hectic schedules, HA! Needless to say this sounds like a HUGE help in that department. This service also seems like it would be a time saver and not just at meal time but also in shopping time too. I am all over THAT!
Well, I hope you all have a day where you make your life easier!!!
With all the things I’ve experienced physically you would think that it would make be scale back on the things I do physically. Nope. Well, OK maybe initially until I get my bearings again. But then I feel like it’s GO TIME. It currently sucks not to be able to run or do yoga but it also forces me to change things up. Which is always good for me. Being uncomfortable isn’t a bad thing. At least I don’t think so. It forces me out of my comfort zone and requires me to get creative. And those things ALWAYS lead me to great moments in the future. Maybe the reason I have so many setbacks and failures is because I have learned to LOVE the changes it forces me to make. Hmmmm.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel like the comeback kid (AGAIN)!!!