During the four weeks I took off from running to heal my leg injury I did a lot of thinking. I thought about my previous training and how I ran my last marathon. I evaluated everything. And I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
I want to get faster. I NEED to if I want to qualify for Boston. But how? My conclusion. Change everything.
One of the biggest things I wanted to explore is a change in my weight. I am not a skinny runner. Truth be told, it’s not the look I want. I do a lot of cross training in an effort to not look thin, but fit. I do have body fat and I’m proud of it, HA! I also have low tone, not proud of it, BOO! I’ve had this issue my whole life and it’s just something I have learned to deal with. I also fear being thin. Thin, in my clattered noggin, means sick. It reminds me if when I weighed 92 pounds in high school after I had pneumonia and 121 pounds, 7 years ago when I had meningitis. Thin … me NO likey.
As a result my doctor, my nutritionist and myself have come up with a number we all like … except my body. It’s higher than it likes to be. But I feel healthy, strong and emotionally comfortable at this weight so we do what we can to keep me there. In the midst of marathon training, at best, this is a struggle. I have to eat all the time, 2600-3000 calories a day just to maintain my weight. This last training I finally found a groove and maintained my weight better than my previous two marathon trainings. I was so happy!
But then … I started thinking.
What if my body was trying to tell me something? What if I WAS thinner? And WHAT if it made me faster???
So I talked to Dr. Ironman about all this the day he cleared me to run. He presented back to me exactly what my biggest concerns already are. If I lose weight, will I lose muscle? If I lose muscle, will that make me lose strength? And ultimately, it I lose strength, will I lose my ability to get faster? UGH … a delicate balance for sure. And one I agreed to speak with my nutritionist about next week.
In the mean time, I’ve been really watching what I’ve been eating. It’s a different world to me. I usually do all I can to make the calories go up, now I’m making sure they don’t go up too much. I have to admit, my heart isn’t fully behind this yet. To be honest, the thought of being the weight I know my body will fall to … scares me. But I want to get faster. BIG SIGH.
Despite having all of this on my mind, on my way home last night I decided that I would pick up Krispy Kreme donuts as a treat for my H-Crew for breakfast this morning. And, because I’ve been pretty good about watching my calories, I picked myself up two raspberry filled donuts.
It was pretty late when I bought the donuts and I was starving! So I decided I wouldn’t wait until morning to have one of my donuts, I would indulge on my drive home. So I reached in the box and pulled out a a donut. I ate the whole thing … but no jelly.
Ugh. Darn it. I thought, in my donut frenzy, I must have grabbed a cinnamon roll instead. So I justified that if I ate my second donut I wouldn’t stretch my calorie binge into the next day. So, making sure I grabbed a jelly donut this time, I ate another.
You’re not going to believe this … NO JELLY!
I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I went in to grab a third donut, believing that somehow I managed to eat both the cinnamon donuts instead of my beloved jelly. I pulled out another donut, took a bite and instantly knew it was a cinnamon donut! At that point, I accepted defeat and placed the once bitten donut back into the box … Krispy Kreme had somehow forgotten to fill my donuts with jelly. ME NO HAPPY.
But then I had a LIGHTBULB MOMENT! This had to be a sign … a revelation in my weight loss drama! Symbolism that only I could understand and given to me in a language I speak!
PUT THE DONUT DOWN … STOP WORRYING … LOSE THE WEIGHT … AND GET FASTER CRAZY WOMAN!
OK … perhaps I’m taking my jelly-less donut dilemma a step farther than most people ever would … but in my world … this all makes perfect sense.
Well, I hope you all have a day where suddenly (and insanely) everything makes sense!!!