Love and a loss for words …

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! Words can’t express how much I miss my mom. But in a way that comforts me. It means that I loved and still love that woman HUGE. Sometimes you get lucky enough to experience something in life and you get to just FEEL it. For me it’s the motherly love she filled my life with. I can still feel it. But to describe it, explain its’ influence over me and how I feel about loosing her, is not something I’m capable of. It’s just too big. But I try to express it in different ways like living genuinely, just the way she taught me. And in sharing her legacy of hope every single day and at every opportunity I get. It may be 24 years since her passing but her influence on me, my family and our little world will continue on forever. And that is certainly something to celebrate.

Well, I hope you all have a day where love leaves you at a loss for words!!!

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Fresh eyes and some new hope …

Reese and I saw her pediatrician today. Although the appointment had nothing to do with her feeding issues, of course her doctor asked. And I’m glad she did because we brainstormed a little. AND I am excited to report that we have a new consultation scheduled! We have tried it all. Therapies, assessments, scans, (you name it) to figure out why Reese is still not chewing. It has presented as an issue for both her nutrition and her safety. Heck, one of the main reasons I went back to school was to make sure I was doing everything I could to keep her off a feeding tube! Although I’ve been successful with her nutritionally the choking risk remains. And it’s scary. So needless to say, I am THANKFUL for this new opportunity and GRATEFUL to still have more options to explore.

Well, I hope you all have a day where fresh eyes give you new hope!!!

Best surprise EVER …

Yesterday Libs told me that Sid needed me to be home this morning to receive a package that would be delivered after 8 am. I originally thought that Sidney had accidentally shipped something important to me, instead of to herself. As I asked more questions about what to do with the package once it was delivered, I was told that the package was for me. Being Pi Day today I immediately thought that Sid somehow figured out how to send me a pie. HA! That is absolutely something she would do! But what she did, was even better.

When I returned home from Reese’s school this morning, I opened the door to my “package”. IT WAS SID! My sweet daughter booked an early flight and came HOME! I literally screamed when I saw her. Then I cried like a baby. I was missing her so much! Now with George coming home for Spring Break on Friday we will all be together again. YAY!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get the best surprise EVER!!!

A nice little visit …

I had to think about this one before I wrote about it. I had a dream about my mom Wednesday night. It’s been decades since I’ve had a dream about her. After she died I had a few but they were always unpleasant. Truthfully, they were so disturbing that I was thankful when I stopped having them. Deep down it did bothered me that I didn’t have any nice dreams about her. But after decades of not having any I just accepted it. Wednesday night’s dream was quite surprising. It was so foreign to me but I found it comforting. I cried in my dream, but not out of grief or fear. It was of utter relief. This dream was not like the others. Thank god. It was pleasant and short. And despite us not exchanging any words it was incredibly meaningful to me. It was really good to see her again.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you have a nice little visit!!!

Just what I needed …

Last night we got to have dinner and a nice visit with my big kids. OK, not in person, but via FaceTime. Sid, George and Trevor, Sid’s boyfriend, met up with their dad last night who is working in Napa. They had dinner at one of our favorite places in Santa Rosa, Tex Wasabi’s. I was missing my big kids something awful yesterday and knowing that they were all getting together made it WORSE. I wanted Libs, Reese and I to be a part of it too. So much so that I seriously considered booking flights for the girls and I yesterday. Then Libs reminded me that she has a tennis match on Saturday and school in the morning. OH YEAH. Clearly missing my kids clouded my thinking, HA! Needless to say, we didn’t go. So I was feeling a bit down last night. But then they all started sending pictures (funny ones too) and FaceTimed us. I LOVED IT. I’ve said this before but it’s true. I’ve never appreciated technology more than I do now having kids in college. It really does help you stay connected. It makes the miles between us seem shorter. I’m not sure if it helps me miss them any less but things like FaceTime certainly have comforted me when all I want to do is spend some time with them. Last night was a great example of this. When we hung up I felt so much better. I still miss them terribly but for now, I’m satisfied.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get what you needed!!!

A whole new world …

Today we are surprising Reese by taking her to see Aladdin the musical! She has never seen a Broadway show before. She is going to LOVE IT. The best part for me is going to be watching my sweet little girl discover what true theatre is really like. I can’t wait to see her face light up and to see wonder in her eyes as she becomes part of the theatrical experience. I got to do this with her older siblings and I know that her turn will be no less magical. It might even be MORE. I started taking my other kids when they were around age four. Reese is now eight. Developmentally she is about 4-5 years old. Down Syndrome has taught us that things don’t always happen on a typical timeline. It’s honestly freeing. To allow growth in such a natural unforced way is beautiful and I get to live that every day. I am blessed. MEGA BLESSED. It’s days like this that my heart wants to burst with MOM happiness. It is simply THE BEST!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you discover A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!!

Run down …

At the end of another busy day we found ourselves out to dinner AGAIN last night. UGH. To put it into perspective, Libs didn’t finish up at school until 7 pm and she probably could have stayed longer if I had let her. Again, UGH.

Sitting at dinner last night I was abundantly thankful that I didn’t have to cook. I really don’t like eating out during the weekdays, but I was so tired and hungry that I didn’t care. I’d even been feeling a bit sketchy earlier in the day too. Almost like I was about to come down with something. I dismissed it because I’ve been so busy and stressed these past few weeks. Add in the poor night’s sleep that I had the other day when Reese had her growing pains and it wasn’t a good equation. I, however, chose to remain in complete denial. Bad idea. Again, again, UGH.

As we were enjoying our not-homemade blessing of a dinner last night, I caught a glimpse of something on Reese’s face. SNOT. Her nose was dripping ever so slightly. I instantly began claiming that the chill in the air both inside and outside the restaurant must be causing it. As she began to drip more I moved into accusing allergens as the culprit. This was clearly a desperate stretch since the child doesn’t even have allergies! By the time we got home Reese was in full drip mode. Somehow I still managed to give her a bath, dry her hair and get her into bed a few minutes before her bed time. Moments like that, I feel like I have magical powers.

Unfortunately the magic wore off pretty quickly. My poor baby girl was not having a good nights sleep. I rubbed her back, repositioned her and cuddled her all night long. At around 4 am she seemed to be more comfortable than she had been all night and was sound asleep. I was SO THANKFUL!

So what did I do? Sleep, right?!?! NOPE. I got up and rummaged through paperwork. Really Jennifer, REALLY?!?! Oh and I forgot to mention that at some point in the darkness of night, my denial officially wore off. I began to feeling sniffly too.

1000 times, UGH.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t feel run down!!!