One year ago today I drove home in the pouring rain after spending the early evening with my dear friend. It would be just hours before she took her last breath. I will be forever grateful that her husband welcomed me into their home that day and for allowing me to sit and just love on her. Those moments with her will remain some of the most precious I have ever shared with another human being.
Sadly, I am no stranger to moments like these. I was there for both my parents as they passed. As a social worker I sat with many patients and their families as codes were called and time of death was reported. I never took any of those last moments as less than profound. I was honored and still am that God called me to share them with so many beautiful souls. Having been there for both my parents has definitely made their deaths more tolerable-ish. But NONE of these last moments were easy. NONE. The loss of a loved one is awful. REALLY AWFUL. I do think that these experiences, along with God’s grace, has given me a sense of peace about death and dying. There is a natural and spiritual process that I saw, time and time again, that both personally and professionally blew me away. The reconciliation one’s mind, body and soul has with death is nothing short of heroic. And being there for my parents certainly gave me comfort knowing that they were taken care of until the very end. But despite the peace I have and my faith in God, grief is no less painful. It stings. And if you loved BIG, I don’t think that sting EVER goes away. At least it hasn’t for me. Love and loss comes with unfathomable pain. Nothing can ever replace the touch of a loved one who has passed. Their laughter will always be missed. Memories are great, but they are no substitute for the real time we spend with our loved ones. And the passage of time doesn’t seem to make their absence any easier. I wish this world talked more about grief and how it may change but it doesn’t truly go away. Acknowledging that we all hurt and miss someone and admitting that sometimes we all just need a hug could do us some good. I think if we did we might all be kinder and take better care of one another.
Today (and LOTS of other days) I miss my friend. Gut wrenching, to my soul, pain is what I feel. I want her back. I miss her. In my human state I cannot reconcile her death in my brain to make sense. She was too young. Too good. She had too many people who still needed her. I still needed her. Yes, today I am grieving deeply. But I am also celebrating a love and a friendship and a sisterhood that God so generously blessed me with. And even though I don’t feel it was nearly enough time, I couldn’t be more thankful to have shared my life with this incredible woman. My faith reassures me that I will see her again. And when I do, I’m going to give her the biggest tightest hug Heaven has ever seen.
Well, I hope you all have a day where love lives on in your heart!!!
Being an MSW and a parent for over 20 years has not given me an immunity from worry. Heck, sometimes I think they may have made it worse, HA! Trust me when I say that I have seen some ugly horrible situations. So when it comes to my precious babies (yes, I know two of them are adults now) I can’t shake the worry that comes when they are sick, injured or recovering from surgery. I know I should be a pro at this by now. But I’m not. And times like this are when it comes in handy to have an incredible friend. My best friend from high school is one heck of a woman. She is ALWAYS there for me. She is the level headed thinker when I am the wreck. She might be just as worried as I am but she pulls together a strength for me that is grounding. Her love and support has carried me through many times when I have felt scared and alone. And I couldn’t be more thankful for her.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you have someone to rely on!!!
After 49 years I can say one thing for sure. People either understand me … or, they don’t. Good Lordy, I am really thankful for the people who do.
Well, I hope you all have a day where someone truly GETS you!!!
FALL. BREAK. I know I said this yesterday, but I am so excited! We have a lot of fun planned over the next 10 days. It’s going to be like a really LONG Thanksgiving extravaganza! And the best part is that I get to spend all of it with my family and friends. YAY!
Well, I hope you all have a day where you get the party started!!!
I got a special treat today when I received a text from a friend of mine who had moved away. “Do you want to go to lunch?” SAY WHAT?!?! I had no idea that they were even in town! YAY!
Well, I hope you all had a day where you got a big surprise!!!
Let’s go back a year. Last summer a friend of mine, Kim, and I ran the Napa to Sonoma Half Marathon. It was an absolutely fantastic race put on by Destination Races. It was coordinated so well. Honestly, it is one of the best races I’ve ever had the privilege to be a part of. From the expo to the finish line activities, it was an incredible race experience. And the course was beautiful!
Anyway, one of the race sponsors was Fitbit. So runners were given a discount on Fitbit purchases. I decided to buy myself the Fitbit HR I had my eye on. And I immediately fell in LOVE! The day after the race Kim and I decided my Fitbit needed a name. I name everything, so why not? HA! Kim came up with the name Fabio. Of course I thought that name was perfect! And just like that, Fabio the Fitbit came into existence.
OK, back to now. Well, sorta. For weeks now I haven’t been able to sync Fabio the Fitbit with the app on my phone. I wasn’t sure why. I thought that perhaps I somehow managed to damage Fabio’s Bluetooth thingy. OK, that totally made me laugh! Anyway, I just hoped Fabio would fix himself. That’s how I roll with electronics. Delusional grandiose ideas of miraculous repairs. Totally rational. OY! But then, when we were in Las Vegas, I swam with Fabio. Oooops. He was submerged in water for a good 15-20 minutes before I realized what I had done. Needless to say I thought I had officially drowned Fabio. NOPE. He never stopped working! NOT. ONCE. I was utterly shocked! And totally impressed with Fitbit! WOW!
But despite not dying in an accidental watery submersion, I still couldn’t get Fabio to sync to my app. UNTIL TODAY! Yep, you read that right! After weeks of not working properly and almost drowning, Fabio the Fitbit is working perfectly again! YAY!
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are alive and well!!!
Reese turns 8 years old on Tuesday so we had her birthday party today. It was the first time she really enjoyed the crowds, attention and noises that come with a birthday party. In our beautiful world things take time. I will tell you that this little girl is worth the wait. And I couldn't be more thankful for the people who wait with us. They celebrate the milestones and progress with us. And they make our world that much more beautiful.
Well, I hope you all had a day where you got to celebrate a very special person with some very special people!!!