Spring FREAKIN’ Break …

I realize I’m a mom now and that I’m almost 50 years old but there is an excitement that still comes over me this time of year. It’s wonderful to get a breather from school and our normal routine to relax and just go have some FUN! OK, OK fine … perhaps the fond memories of college still rear their notorious little heads. HA!

Well, I hope you all get to start SPRING FREAKIN’ BREAK!!!

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Do what you gotta do …

Today I had my annual mammogram. It’s always a little nerve racking for me, as I would assume it is for all women. It’s incredibly hard to sit there calmly when I have to answer questions about my mom and the disease that took her life. I literally want to jump out of my skin. Today I decided to have no coffee before I left for my appointment. Sleepy and lazy is way more beneficial to me sitting there waiting for my name to be called, than amped up on caffeine and nutty. Trust. Me.

I arrived to the hospital early and got called back very quickly. I was in and out of there 10 minutes before my scheduled appointment time. WOW! It all went as usual but the tech took some extra images. That freaked me out a little until she explained why. She actually showed me why on my images. My boobs for didn’t fit in the whole image frame. HA! This happened to me years ago. I believe I was told that they try to use the same size imaging plates every year for continuity, so if you gain or lose weight that can alter what they see. I was fine once my tech told me why and thanked her for being thorough.

Anyway, for me mammograms will always be scary. I will never go into one anxiety-free. Nor will I feel relieved until I get my results. Mammograms are, at minimum, very uncomfortable and can be downright painful. I will always want to cancel my appointment, but I will show up anyway. And … I will always stand in front of the mirror in the dressing room and take a good long look at myself before I go in to the imaging room. It is here where I ground myself in my truth.

I am Donna’s daughter.

And yes, she died of Breast Cancer.

But I am also me.

I am who God created, and I have my OWN life journey.

It does not have to be the same as my mother’s.

Perhaps one day it could be.

But for now, I will just take care of myself in the best ways I know how. Even if it terrifies me to do so.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you do what you gotta do!!!

Relieved …

Reese went back to her ophthalmologist today and the appointment went great. Two months ago Reese was diagnosed with Exotropia. It’s a form of Strabismus or eye misalignment. In its’ simplest terms it is known as a wandering eye. I noticed it after she was sick twice in about a month. Luckily I had already scheduled her an appointment with her doctor so we didn’t have to wait a long time to be seen. At that time, her doctor said Reese was controlling the Exopropia very well but that she would need to start wearing glasses. And, if the glasses didn’t work, she might need surgery to correct it.

EEEEEEK. Surgery?!?!

I’m sure you can imagine how worried I’ve been these past two months. I had Reese’s glasses ordered the day we left that visit and she was wearing them within a few days from that. She had about a two week transition period and then it was like she has been wearing them her whole life. PHEW.

Today Reese had her re-check her doctor said that she was doing so well that he didn’t feel he needed to see her again for a whole year. WOW! He said that her glasses appear to be helping, that Reese is still controlling the Exotropia very well and that he saw no need for surgery at this time. THANK YOU GOD!

I appreciate this doctor so much. He has been Reese’s doctor since she was just hours old. The first time he saw her was in the NICU and he has given me so much peace of mind ever since. He has never let me worry unnecessarily and makes sure that he only tells me things once he is 100% sure of what he finds, good or bad. So when he tells me something I trust him enough to I believe it.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel relieved!!!

Judgmental …

I try very hard to mind my own business. I don’t like getting sucked into anything that isn’t mine to own. Nor do I like to draw conclusions on partial information or observations. It can lead to assumptions that are altogether inaccurate. I like to believe I’m more compassionate than that. So, I try not to go there.

That being said …

I had to get my car serviced today. I also had a long run that I needed to get done. So I combined the two. I dropped off my car, declined the loaner car and said I’d be back in a few hours after I was done running. Two birds. One stone. Perfect!

As I was situating myself for my run I overheard a man on his phone. He was upset about how some home improvements were being handled and was attempting to contact the person who such complaints would be reported to. I was taken back by a few words he used to describe his situation. Not bad words, just BIG words to describe things that seemed to overly exaggerate his circumstance. But I STOPPED myself right THERE. Who was I to think such things? I don’t know his whole situation. He could be having 20 other things going on right now that made everything he described seem (or be) justified. Basically I said to myself, “Look here woman, you just lace up YOUR shoes and don’t give this man another thought until you have walked a mile in HIS shoes.” Oh yes, I gave myself a talking to! And off I went on my run.

I was fairly limited on where I could run waiting for my car. I didn’t want to keep getting stuck at street signals so I mapped out a 1.40 mile loop of sorts that I could do over and over again without having to stop. This loop brought me back past the dealership quite a few times. Boring views, to say the least!

Anyway, on about my forth pass by the dealership I came to the main driveway and saw a car approaching the street. I could tell the person driving was not looking in my direction. Even worse, the whole way up to the street, stopped at the street to turn and finally in making their turn out of the driveway, they never once looked in my direction. NOT. ONCE. I stopped next to them hoping to make eye contact them so I would know that it was safe for me to pass. But that never happened. I was standing there so long that I even thought of gently knocking on their window to let them know that I was there. But when I realized who was driving, I decided not to. It was the man I mentioned earlier. He was on his phone. Holding it too, which is a BIG NO NO in California. He was talking up a storm. I waited patiently for him to go. And he did so without ever seeing me standing inches from his car. Ugh. Needless to say, I could no longer remain on higher ground. I could no longer give him the benefit of the doubt nor did I want to. I didn’t care what was going on with him. I was upset that he was so distracted that he didn’t notice me, literally standing right next to him. Oy. THANK GOD I was paying attention because CLEARLY Mr. Big Word Complain-y Pants wasn’t. So much for staying compassionate. BIG sigh …

Well, I hope you all have a day where you aren’t judgmental!!!