Peace …

I know that a lot of people could sure use some prayer today. Some grace. Some mercy. Some love. And some comfort.

Well, I hope you all have day where you find some peace!!!

Finding out who you are …

Over the weekend I found myself at Urgent Care with Reese. Saturday night she presented with some signs and symptoms that seemed vaguely familiar to me. After putting all the pieces together, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Reese has a hernia. Sure enough, my suspicions where right. She was diagnosed with an abdominal hernia, and after seeing her pediatrician yesterday, they suspect that she may also have a small ulcer from stomach acid and the stress she experienced from vomiting so much. This makes everything she has been through the past few weeks finally make sense to me. Which thankfully brings me a lot of peace of mind. Not knowing was very upsetting. But with the learning of this kind of information, actions must follow. This is when being a social worker, with a boatload of medical experience, and a mom all seem to come together perfectly. Or so, this is my hope.

If you ask most people who know me, they will say that I’m a pretty happy and excitable person. But when it comes to stressful situations, I’m calm. Unusually calm. So calm that it often angers my children. They think I’m too “matter-of-fact” sometimes. But I honestly, can’t help it. Usually when I’m presented with a fairly stressful situation I consider the information I am given with objectivity and discernment. I look at all of the facts, tap into my existing knowledge on the topic, research any questions that I may have, develop a plan and go from there. This whole process gives me a feeling of control over seemingly out of control situations. This also pairs nicely with a promise that I made with myself long ago as a way of dealing with some anxiety that I was experiencing. I don’t worry about ANYTHING unless it is literally sitting on a plate in front of me. The bottom line is, for the most part, I can remain rational when most people can’t. But I will tell you that as a parent, having dealt my children’s health issues in the past and as of present, this can become hard. REAL HARD. I am thankful that I can boast a pretty successful track record of “pulling it together” … so far.

I admit that in the past few weeks I have been emotional regarding Reese’s health. Her symptoms have been concerning and I was presented with no solid answers to why she was experiencing them. Well, we had some, but my mama’s instinct said that there was more. And there was. But that period of unknowing really unnerved me. Thankfully, we now know what we are dealing with. And even better, it’s fixable. THANK YOU GOD.

So now it’s time for action and THIS what I’m good at. THIS I can handle.

Today we see the surgeon. It is all happening much faster than I expected. I’ve already done a ton of research on treatment plans and I feel ready for this meeting. Finally KNOWING the UNKNOWN I feel confident again. I want my daughter pain-free, symptom-free and restored to her happy healthy active self. I know that these goals will keep me focused, grounded and driven. And that feels good.

When I earned my MSW in 1995 it was YEARS before Reese was even a thought in my head. Yet it is through her that I have a complete understanding of my being. You see, God knew she was coming. Gracefully and purposely He molded me into exactly what Reese would need to live her best life. He educated me through books and life and love to turn me into the mommy I am today. A mommy full of crazy fierce protective unconditional love for this incredible little girl who has so much to teach the world. Today that mommy and the social worker in me collide (again) and I get the privilege of doing my life’s calling, my purpose, for her. For this amazingly beautiful little soul that God has gifted me with to raise and to love. I can’t help be but humbled by His trust. And grateful. So. So. Grateful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you find out who you are!!!

OK, let’s do this …

This is one of those days where I have a lot to do and a lot to figure out. Some of it won’t be easy. NOPE. But I know that I got this! At some point today, someone should probably give me one of those football player chest bump thingys to keep me going. But not too hard, because knowing me, that won’t end well. HA!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you scream LET’S DO THIS!!!

Happily miserable …

This evening I started hill training again. I ran 7 miles and the first four were at a park near our home. The hills aren’t huge there but there are a lot of them and some of them seem to drag on forever. My first four miles were pretty decent. I wasn’t totally defeated. Yay! But the next three miles were a special kind of ugly. Gaggy ugly. Ew. And my legs are really feeling it right now. I hurt! But you know what? I didn’t care! I am excited to run with a new purpose. It has set my soul on fire and I am LOVING IT … um … despite how horribly awful I feel at the moment. HA!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are happily miserable!!!

Hoping for the best …

I set some running goals for myself yesterday. They are pretty lofty and I can foresee a great deal of fear, failure and disappointment in my future. But that’s OK, because as long as I have breath I have time to accomplish them. And the last time I checked, I was still breathing. HA! But in all seriousness, I figure that time will pass regardless of whether or not I make some crazy unattainable goals for myself. So why not shoot for the stars? Why not take the chance? I have nothing to lose but the regret I will feel for not trying at all. I go into all of this clearly not know what the outcome of it will be. But the eternal optimist in me, simply can’t wait to find out.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you hope for the best!!!

Chasing dreams and finding joy (again) …

I had such a great run this morning. But probably not for the reasons you would think. I wasn’t fast and it wasn’t monumentally long. It didn’t signify the beginning of a training or the end of one. It was a normal run that made me happy. That deep runner happy! I guess I was just so grateful to be out there. Again.

My running over the past two years was not marked with great successes. I had some goals that got me feeling comfortable with running distance again, but for the most part running was for fun and to stay fit. Today as I ran, I started thinking about the running goals that I’ve had in the past. They have seemed so unattainable since I got sick. But today when I was out there I looked back on the past two years and realized that I’m making my way back to the runner I used to be. Slowly (like literally, HA!) but surely, I am regrowing the heart I had for running and seeing my past goals more clearly. I feel THAT passion stirring in my heart and it’s driving me to chase my dreams all so over again. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment and disappointment but I think I’m ready to put myself out there. Whether I have success or face more failure and setbacks, I really don’t care, because I can’t shake how good it felt being out there today dreaming the way I used to. It was honestly a gift.

Well, I hope you hope you all have a day where you chase your dreams and find your joy (again)!!!