A little break …

Life! I got so caught up in it again that I stopped my daily blogging. What seems like a good idea at the time often leaves me feeling NOT RIGHT. This blog keeps me positive. It MAKES me see the hope in each new day. It’s a habit I’ve taken seriously for many years now. So when I’m away, even when I feel I need to be, it just doesn’t feel normal. I can’t deny that writing and hoping have been a part of who I am for most of my life. ALL OF MY LIFE. I guess I just don’t know how to quit it. And that makes me happy.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you take a little break!!!

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Hope …

We cannot touch it. But we can certainly feel it. It’s lighter than air. But it keeps us rooted in our dreams. It cannot be contained. Yet we cling to it.

Well, I hope you all have a day filled with HOPE!!!

Hoping for the best …

I set some running goals for myself yesterday. They are pretty lofty and I can foresee a great deal of fear, failure and disappointment in my future. But that’s OK, because as long as I have breath I have time to accomplish them. And the last time I checked, I was still breathing. HA! But in all seriousness, I figure that time will pass regardless of whether or not I make some crazy unattainable goals for myself. So why not shoot for the stars? Why not take the chance? I have nothing to lose but the regret I will feel for not trying at all. I go into all of this clearly not know what the outcome of it will be. But the eternal optimist in me, simply can’t wait to find out.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you hope for the best!!!

Chasing dreams and finding joy (again) …

I had such a great run this morning. But probably not for the reasons you would think. I wasn’t fast and it wasn’t monumentally long. It didn’t signify the beginning of a training or the end of one. It was a normal run that made me happy. That deep runner happy! I guess I was just so grateful to be out there. Again.

My running over the past two years was not marked with great successes. I had some goals that got me feeling comfortable with running distance again, but for the most part running was for fun and to stay fit. Today as I ran, I started thinking about the running goals that I’ve had in the past. They have seemed so unattainable since I got sick. But today when I was out there I looked back on the past two years and realized that I’m making my way back to the runner I used to be. Slowly (like literally, HA!) but surely, I am regrowing the heart I had for running and seeing my past goals more clearly. I feel THAT passion stirring in my heart and it’s driving me to chase my dreams all so over again. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment and disappointment but I think I’m ready to put myself out there. Whether I have success or face more failure and setbacks, I really don’t care, because I can’t shake how good it felt being out there today dreaming the way I used to. It was honestly a gift.

Well, I hope you hope you all have a day where you chase your dreams and find your joy (again)!!!

Happy New Year’s Eve…

Here we are. The last day of 2018. We made it! I am looking back fondly and looking forward hopefully. I wish you all a safe day celebrating!

Well, I hope you all have a Happy New Year’s Eve!!!

Keeping it REAL and still seeing the BRIGHT SIDE …

We all have a foundation from which we view our world and the things that happen to us and around us. It can be either negative or positive. I believe, that I am wired to be positive. Yet despite Living in LaLa Land I am also very realistic when it comes to the things that really matter. Heck, it’s the whole reason I started this blog! Sadly, I have found that some people perceive realism as being negative. And I’m sure that it can be for some people. But for me it’s about being in an genuine place, accepting how things are, and changing them if I feel they need to be. I would rather deal with the straight up raw facts of a situation than be left floundering in the UNKNOWN or a CANDY COATED blur of reality … because it is in this HONEST CLARITY that I am still able to find my hope.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you keep it REAL and still see THE BRIGHT SIDE!!!

Faith, love and miracles …

Despite posting these words every year they still bring me to tears. Happy tears. Tears that warriors cry after winning a long battle. I don’t think I will ever be able to change how I tell this story. To do so would be an injustice to her and to me. And to all of our family and friends who stood by us then and who continue to walk through this life with us now. This story is about our beginning together. The story that we all fought so hard to tell. It is a story about faith, love … and miracles.

When I was about 11 weeks pregnant we were told that she did not look quite so “typical” … I didn’t care. I loved our baby. And I prayed.

A few weeks later we were told, that not only was our baby “not typical”, but that there was a chance I would be delivering her stillborn. I wanted our baby even more fiercely than I had before. And I prayed.

Several weeks later, we almost lost our baby … to which I screamed an angry and adamant “NO!” And I prayed.

A month later we were told that our baby had a “very large hole in her heart” … to which I said, “I don’t believe you.“ And I prayed.

Two months later we were told, “Your baby is small” … to which I laughed and said, “Of all the things that you have told us, this seems pretty manageable.” And I prayed.

Two weeks later, on what was supposed to be a brief doctor’s visit before we headed to our local water park, we were told that our baby was not growing, that she was too small and that she was not acting the way that she should be. We were told that I would be given another amniocentesis to see if her lungs were developed. If they were, my doctor wanted to take her right away. I felt like my body was failing her. And I prayed.

My doctor gave me a drug to speed up our baby’s lung development. The results of the amniocentesis were not what we had hoped for. My doctor told us that our baby’s lungs were not developed, our baby could not breath on her own. Now we had a team of medical professionals. They hoped nothing would go wrong for the next 48 hours so that the steroid they had given me would have time to help our baby’s lungs grow … to which I said, “OK”. And I prayed.

Less than 24 hours later I had a hospital room full of people wearing blue. They were running around and pumping my body full of fluids and drugs. We were told that we could no longer wait. We were told that our baby would not be breathing and that she would be very small and weak … to which I cried in her father’s arms and said, “I’m scared.” And I prayed.

Minutes later I was strapped to a table. I had refused anything that would alter my mental state. I wanted to be there for our baby. It took a long time to get her out. I was told that she was so small that she kept slipping through the doctor’s hands. I kept screaming, “Is she out?!?!” And I prayed.

Then, I heard a cry … to which I thought, “That is a loud cry for a baby who is supposed to be weak, small and not breathing.” And I prayed.

A few minutes later our baby was brought over to me, warmly swaddled, pink as could be, breathing all on her own and with no hole in her heart. (Sure, she had some extra chromosomes, but who cares about that?) And when I saw her I thought, “You are my miracle and I love you.” And then, I praised God for our beautiful daughter.

Nine years ago today, through God’s amazing grace, Reese Lindsey Grace Henry was born by emergency cesarean section. She was 6 weeks early. She weighed 2lbs 15oz and was 15 ½ inches long. My world has not been quite the same since that day … and I would have it no other way.

Happy 9th Birthday to my precious miracle! Reesey Roo you are my JOY, the smile on my face and my WHY! Mommy loves you and all of your extra parts 💕

Well, I hope you all have a day where you celebrate a miracle … and always remember to pray!!!