Finding out who you are …

Over the weekend I found myself at Urgent Care with Reese. Saturday night she presented with some signs and symptoms that seemed vaguely familiar to me. After putting all the pieces together, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Reese has a hernia. Sure enough, my suspicions where right. She was diagnosed with an abdominal hernia, and after seeing her pediatrician yesterday, they suspect that she may also have a small ulcer from stomach acid and the stress she experienced from vomiting so much. This makes everything she has been through the past few weeks finally make sense to me. Which thankfully brings me a lot of peace of mind. Not knowing was very upsetting. But with the learning of this kind of information, actions must follow. This is when being a social worker, with a boatload of medical experience, and a mom all seem to come together perfectly. Or so, this is my hope.

If you ask most people who know me, they will say that I’m a pretty happy and excitable person. But when it comes to stressful situations, I’m calm. Unusually calm. So calm that it often angers my children. They think I’m too “matter-of-fact” sometimes. But I honestly, can’t help it. Usually when I’m presented with a fairly stressful situation I consider the information I am given with objectivity and discernment. I look at all of the facts, tap into my existing knowledge on the topic, research any questions that I may have, develop a plan and go from there. This whole process gives me a feeling of control over seemingly out of control situations. This also pairs nicely with a promise that I made with myself long ago as a way of dealing with some anxiety that I was experiencing. I don’t worry about ANYTHING unless it is literally sitting on a plate in front of me. The bottom line is, for the most part, I can remain rational when most people can’t. But I will tell you that as a parent, having dealt my children’s health issues in the past and as of present, this can become hard. REAL HARD. I am thankful that I can boast a pretty successful track record of “pulling it together” … so far.

I admit that in the past few weeks I have been emotional regarding Reese’s health. Her symptoms have been concerning and I was presented with no solid answers to why she was experiencing them. Well, we had some, but my mama’s instinct said that there was more. And there was. But that period of unknowing really unnerved me. Thankfully, we now know what we are dealing with. And even better, it’s fixable. THANK YOU GOD.

So now it’s time for action and THIS what I’m good at. THIS I can handle.

Today we see the surgeon. It is all happening much faster than I expected. I’ve already done a ton of research on treatment plans and I feel ready for this meeting. Finally KNOWING the UNKNOWN I feel confident again. I want my daughter pain-free, symptom-free and restored to her happy healthy active self. I know that these goals will keep me focused, grounded and driven. And that feels good.

When I earned my MSW in 1995 it was YEARS before Reese was even a thought in my head. Yet it is through her that I have a complete understanding of my being. You see, God knew she was coming. Gracefully and purposely He molded me into exactly what Reese would need to live her best life. He educated me through books and life and love to turn me into the mommy I am today. A mommy full of crazy fierce protective unconditional love for this incredible little girl who has so much to teach the world. Today that mommy and the social worker in me collide (again) and I get the privilege of doing my life’s calling, my purpose, for her. For this amazingly beautiful little soul that God has gifted me with to raise and to love. I can’t help be but humbled by His trust. And grateful. So. So. Grateful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you find out who you are!!!

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Normal …

Reese went back to school today. Before we left she said she was “excited” to see her friends. This settled my nerves … a little. The plan was to have me pick her up after lunch recess to shorten her first day back and for me to be notified if she couldn’t make it that long. The only message I received today was an email from her teacher telling me that she was eating and playing and all smiles. THAT was a good email! I don’t know what I expected but when I picked her up Reese looked great. She told me that she was a little tired but excitedly showed me a card and gift that her class had given her. Despite how last week unfolded for us, today was really no different than any other day. Again, I am not sure what I really expected, but I sure do like how this day turned out.

Well, I hope you all had a day that felt normal!!!

The calm before the barf …

It is a calm morning. A cozy morning. A parental bliss morning. But I have memories of yesterday’s morning. It started off much the same way as today … until a stomach bug “showed” itself just after Reese finished her breakfast … when she was holding her iPad and sitting in my bed. Ew.

Well, I hope you all have a day that doesn’t have any barfing!!!

Dance your heart out …

All afternoon Reese attended at Varsity Song Clinic held at our local high school. Reese has been dancing for a few years now and she loves it. One of her favorite things to do at home is to find dance videos on YouTube and learn the choreography. Today was right up her alley as the girls were taught a routine that they will perform at a basketball game halftime next week. The clinic was 4 hours long and I honestly thought it might be too long for her. But it wasn’t. She was right back to it after every break and had a smile on her face the whole time. She had a BLAST!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you dance your heart out!!!

Home for the holidays (in heart, mind, body and soul) …

My son, George, came home from college last night. I am so happy! Although Sid won’t be making it home this year and our house won’t be as full this holiday season as it has been in the past, I have a hard time feeling bad for myself. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years it’s that TIME is precious and HOME can very much so be a feeling or a state of mind. Again, change will always bring this MOM heart of mine a little bit of sorrow and a whole lot of joy. The process of growing and letting go, as a part of motherhood, is something that I suspect will challenge me for the rest of my life. But I can’t deny that regardless of proximity my heart is full knowing that the people I love most are where life has taken them. I know that they are where they feel they need to be. And THAT is beautiful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you return HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (whether it be in heart, mind, body or soul)!!!

A happy dash …

It’s a good thing I’m a runner because when my big kids are home we try to cram as much fun as possible into our days. It’s like one enjoyable adventure and event after another. I love it, because making memories is what life is all about!

Well, I hope you all have a day that feels like a mad … NO, HAPPY … dash!!!

The same but different …

My son George headed back to his university this morning. I absolutely love it when he is home. Before he graduated from high school we would have daily talks. At some point almost every afternoon I would make my way to his room and plop down on his couch for our talk. Out of all the things that I miss about this kid when he is at school, that is what I miss the most. Sure, we text, talk on the phone and FaceTime, but it’s not the same.

This holiday week was a busy one for us and although George and I found plenty of time to have our talks and hang out, I never made it to the couch where our talks usually took place. We laughed a little bit about my rigidity on this one since I literally talked his ear off all week. He is SO patient with me! HA! Anyway, we did have our talks this week and we spent lots of time together, but there is a part of me that will always remember a simpler time. A time when he was just a knock on the door away. I miss those days, but I am finding that lately I embrace the changes easier knowing how happy he is with his life. THIS could quite possibly be the most comforting thing I’ve felt as a mother. When your child is happy, nothing else seems to matter. At least that is how I feel.

This morning I got up and made one of George’s favorite breakfasts, Eggs Benedict. We were busy trying to get him out the door with packing and loading his car. But I just had to do it. I made my way to his room and plopped down on his couch. We talked briefly, but he completely understood that I needed a moment there. I had to claim a little of our past together in the midst of his beautiful NOW and on the verge of his incredible future. I can accept all the change that has happened and all the change coming, but the mom in me will still steal a glimpse of his childhood every chance I get.

Well, I hope you all have a day that is the same but different!!!