A change in priorities …

I had planned on being super productive today. And I started off that way too! I made a fun breakfast for my family. I cleaned. I did laundry. And I decorated the house for Halloween. But right after lunch Reese, who hasn’t been feeling well this weekend, cuddled up next to me on the couch and laid her head down on my tummy. She immediately fell asleep. Aw. She is still asleep and I’m not moving a muscle until she wakes up. Bless her little heart! Her sweetness has overthrown any desire I have to be productive today. If my drippy, sniffly princess wants snuggles and rest with her mommy, she will darn well get it!

Well, I hope you all have a day where your priorities change!

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A story about faith, love and believing in miracles …

I post these words every year. I don't think I will ever be able to change them. To do so would be an injustice to her. To me. And to all our family and friends who stood by us then and who continue to share this life with us now. This story is about our beginning together. It is a story of faith and love … and believing in miracles.

We were told when I was about 11 weeks pregnant that she did not look quite so “typical” … I didn’t care. I loved our baby. And I prayed.

A few weeks later we were told that not only was our baby “not typical”, but that there was a chance I would be delivering her still born … I wanted our baby even more fiercely than I had before. And I prayed.

Several weeks later, we almost lost our baby … to which I screamed an adamant and angry “NO!” And I prayed.

A month later we were told that our baby had a “very large hole in her heart” … to which I said, “I don’t believe you.“ And I prayed.

Two months later we were told, “Your baby is small” … to which I laughed and said, “Of all the things that you have told us, this seems pretty manageable.” And I prayed.

Two weeks later, on what was supposed to be a brief doctor’s visit before we headed to our local water park, we were told that our baby was not growing, that she was too small and that she was not acting the way she should be. We were told that I would be given another amniocentesis to see if her lungs were developed. If they were, my doctor wanted to take her right away … I felt like my body was failing her. And I prayed.

My doctor gave me a drug to speed up our baby’s lung development. The results of the amniocentesis were not what we had hoped for. My doctor told us that our baby’s lungs were not developed, our baby could not breath on her own. Now we had a team of medical professionals. They hoped nothing would go wrong for the next 48 hours so that the steroid they had given me would have time to help our baby’s lungs grow … to which I said, “OK”. And I prayed.

Less than 24 hours later I had a hospital room full of people wearing blue who were running around and pumping my body full of fluids and drugs. We were told that we could no longer wait. We were told that our baby would not be breathing and that she would be very small and weak … to which I cried in her father’s arms and said, “I’m scared.” And I prayed.

Minutes later I was strapped to a table. I had refused anything that would alter my mental state. I wanted to be there for our baby. It took a long time to get her out. I was told that she was so small that she kept slipping through the doctor’s hands. I kept screaming, “Is she out?!?!” And I prayed.

Then, I heard a cry … to which I thought, “That is a loud cry for a baby who is supposed to be weak, small and not breathing.” And I prayed.

A few minutes later our baby was brought over to me, warmly swaddled, pink as could be, breathing on her own and with no hole in her heart. (Sure, she has some extra chromosomes, but who cares about that?) And when I saw her I thought, “You are my miracle and I love you.” And then, I praised God for our beautiful daughter.

Eight years ago today, through God’s amazing grace, Reese Lindsey Grace was born by emergency cesarean section. She was 6 weeks early. She weighed 2lbs 15oz and was 15 ½ inches long. My world has not been quite the same since … and I would have it no other way.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you celebrate a miracle … and always remember to pray!!!

Beginning to figure it all out …

Today I got asked, by someone I had just met, what I did all day now that my kids were in school. They didn't ask in a snarky way, so I wasn't offended at all. What ended up "weird-ing" me out was not their question. It was my answer. I actually had to answer, "I don't know." Then I explained.

Today was the first day that I have had "nothing" do to since all my kids had either moved out or were in school all day. The first time in almost two decades. Last year was actually the first year it had happened, but I had taken a temporary part time job the day my kids started school and then got sick with meningitis a few weeks later. I then spent the next 6 months doing the bulk of my recovering. Once April came Sid moved home and George's graduation (and all that went with it) came shortly thereafter. Life was on full speed and our house was full of people again and it stayed that way until just last week. I loved it! But today, when they asked me that, it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

WHAT WILL I DO ALL DAY LONG?!?!

I guess time will tell.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you begin to figure it out!!!

A fun day getting ready …

Today is our last day of summer break and we have been busy, busy, busy getting ready for the girls' BIG day back to school tomorrow. Even though I get a little sad about them returning to school, I have come to really enjoy this day. I like adding all the "finishing touches" to our new school year preparation. Seriously, I love this stuff!

Well, I hope you all have a fun day!!!

Go with the flow …

Winding down from the past eight days hasn't been easy. Coming home to a house that is down so many in numbers has just been weird. And of course now it's time to get ready for Libs' and Reese's first day of school next week AND their birthdays.

Life is ALWAYS busy. At least mine is. And I love it. I don't mean the busyness. I mean the "life" part. My life is never boring. It's full of change. It's full of happiness and pain. We have great times and we have struggles. It simply amazes me that it all keeps moving fluidly. And we just glide along with all of it mapping out a new course as each day passes.

I agree that times can be hard. I'm currently in one. I'm grieving the changes in our family. I miss my kids and what was. But I know I'll adapt and figure it all out. That is the beauty that comes with accepting life as it is and as it should be. It will come. This time might be difficult but my life is still incredible. I still laugh and enjoy every crazy mixed-up and turned around situation I find myself in. And I love and adore the people who I have chosen and who have chosen me share them with. We drift through this life together like a stream. My life takes many twists and turns. I don't always see what lies beneath the water. Heck, sometimes I don't want to. But it's all a part of this magnificent opportunity we have been given time and time again … to find joy in each new day. And as long as I have breath, no matter what I may be facing, I will seek it.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you go with the flow!!!

No pajamas allowed …

Despite getting home at an ungodly hour yesterday Libs attended a sleepover at a friends' house. She really wanted to go, so I let her. My only hesitation was that she also had to be at tennis by 7:45 this morning. Her friend lives across town from us so we knew that this would challenging. Since both of us live by the mantra that SLEEP IS FOR SISSIES we decided to give it our best shot at getting her to tennis without incident. Which we did. Libs had a fun time at the sleepover and I got her to tennis EARLY. In planning this all out Libs had only one request of me … and it cracked me the heck up.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you WEAR REAL CLOTHES!!!

Driving away …

Today we leave this town. Today we leave my son George at his college knowing that we won't see him again for two months. This is hard. This is going to be the most difficult day in this whole process so far. I've lived this once before with Sid. I didn't do it gracefully. I cried. Heck, I sobbed. I wasn't myself for a good week and even then I was pretty sketchy. I expect the same will happen again. And I make no excuses. It's not every day that you get in your car and leave your child knowing that you won't see them again for months. I joke and say that this whole thing would be easier if I hadn't been the one to teach my kids how to use a spoon! Seriously, they went from not being able to feed themselves to leaving for college in what seems to be a really short time. Logically I know that I had about 17 years from spoon usage learning to college classes but today that gap in time doesn't seem nearly long enough today. I selfishly want more time with George. But my love for him somehow allows me to also want this new life for him even more. And even though I don't think I'll ever feel ready for it, I know that he is.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you drive away!!!