A horrible mistake … 

I normally remain silent over anything political but I am so disturbed by the Kathy Griffin photograph that I just have to say something. Earlier today I heard an unverified news story on one of our local radio stations that said Barron Trump saw the picture. All I can say is … OH MY GOD. I immediately prayed that this was not true. You don’t even have to have a child to feel the gravity of this one! If you have EVER been an 11-year old you can imagine how horrific this could have been for him. My heart ached for him! Again, I can only pray from the depths of my soul that it isn’t true and that he was protected from seeing the image.

And this all got me thinking.

I don’t care what side you are on, the Left or the Right. Our beautiful and democratic country allows for our differences in opinions. It allows for those differences and for our concerns to be voiced freely in many ways. It’s just one of the rights that we have living in this amazing country of ours. BUT. Are we using it responsibly? Especially in front of our precious children. They learn from us. They see our emotions. And they see our actions. Good and bad. And we MUST remember this. Those little minds deserve the best from us. They deserve to know that we can peacefully live together despite our different views. That we can disagree and protest without the fear of violence. That we can behave as GOOD HUMANS even if we don’t see eye-to-eye. They should be encouraged by the fact that they can make positive changes in our country in moral, healthy and law-abiding ways. THIS, they should see us do. THIS, they should learn from us. THIS should be their example. Not hate and horror. No … not ever.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t make a horrible mistake!!!

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The comeback kid (AGAIN) …

With all the things I’ve experienced physically you would think that it would make be scale back on the things I do physically. Nope. Well, OK maybe initially until I get my bearings again. But then I feel like it’s GO TIME. It currently sucks not to be able to run or do yoga but it also forces me to change things up. Which is always good for me. Being uncomfortable isn’t a bad thing. At least I don’t think so. It forces me out of my comfort zone and requires me to get creative. And those things ALWAYS lead me to great moments in the future. Maybe the reason I have so many setbacks and failures is because I have learned to LOVE the changes it forces me to make. Hmmmm.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel like the comeback kid (AGAIN)!!!

Places to go and people to see …

My gym doesn’t open until 7 am on the weekends. During the week it opens at 5 am. This is perfect for me and my crazy life. Except today. A 7 am open time has never bothered me before. I guess I’ve never been in a position where I needed to be in and out of there early on a weekend before. But today I do. I’m in a hurry. And yet, here I wait. Ugh.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you have places to go and people to see!!!

A chocolate chip …

I have mentioned before these Reese’s biggest delays are in her oral motor development. It’s common among people with Down Syndrome and speech therapy works wonders for them. Reese still only speaks minimally and when she does speak she is often hard to understand. Her family, teachers and caregivers understand her but most everyone else would have a difficult time. This means I have to trust that the people I leave her with will take the time and make the effort to figure out what she needs when she is distressed. Reese also does not chew. She is a choking hazard. All day, every day. Awake or asleep. If this isn’t enough to keep a mother from ever sleeping soundly at night, I don’t know what is. Again. I must trust the people I leave her with to make sure she is safe. That she is watched around food at all times. And that she isn’t forced to eat something that she can’t. It’s terrifying to think of the consequences. Terrifying. Especially on days when I go to clean out her lunchbox and find a chocolate chip.

A chocolate chip.

To most of us when we see a chocolate chip we think YUM. Or SWEET. Or COOKIE. And I admit, I am one of those people.

But Reese, is not.

To her, an innocent chocolate chip is something that could potentially harm her. It is anxiety provoking. It is not a treat. It is a threat to her well-being.

I don’t normally focus on Reese’s delays. To me she is developing just the way God intended. She is capable. She is smart. She is loving. And so so silly. I think she teaches me more than I teach her. She reminds me to slow down. To stay in the moment. That life is precious. Every. Moment. She is a gift. She is a joy. MY JOY. And I love her fiercely. 

Whether you have a typical child or a child with special needs, parenting is not for the faint of heart. There are days when I feel like a warrior for my children. I would walk through fire for them. Literally. Loving them has given me a strength I never knew I had. An invincibility and fearlessness allowing me to protect them against any concern that comes their way. And yet, there are those days when I find myself reduced to tears by a single chocolate chip.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t worry!!!

Happily and gratefully sitting this one out …

I’ve been quiet about this but here goes. About 10 days ago I got sciatica on my left side (now about 95% resolved). It threw my walking off onto my “bad” foot. The one I broke twice and sprained more times than I can count. Did I mention the arthritis? Oh yeah, that too. Anyway, it worried me because I’ve been warned that that foot can easily break again, even if compromised just a little.

Unfortunately, as a result of the uneven walking I had some pain in that foot by my 5th metatarsal along the outside of my foot. I also had traveling pain that occurred next to the arthritis in my 1st metatarsal and in the ball of my foot. I described it as a lava lamp of pain. It was never constant or in the same place. Well, early Monday morning I woke up with what felt like the beginning of a foot cramp. I jerked my foot up and then felt a horrible pain shoot through my second and third toes and up the 3rd metatarsal (where my old break was). I immediately thought the worst. I broke my foot. AGAIN.

With my race less than a week away I went in for x-rays. When the first image of my foot went up on the screen, I said, “There it is!” Like a beacon of light, I could see the problem staring back at me. A break. The tech couldn’t confirm the break but asked how long I had had pain there. I told her since 3 am that morning.

I didn’t receive the official results until the next day and spoke with my ortho. I was confused because my results stated “no acute fracture” but a new stress fracture was also clearly noted. The medical social worker in me likes all these details answered. It comforts me. But what I was told shocked me beyond belief … and then gave me a clarity, I never knew I needed.

My ortho said that the reason my results stated “no acute fracture” was because I didn’t break my foot Monday. In his estimate, I broke it 2-3 months ago.

SAY WHAT?!?!

I was utterly baffled and so was he. Up until the sciatica I had only some pain in my feet on my long run days. By the next morning I was fine. I’ve told my family and friends repeatedly that this has been my least painful marathon training EVER. I definitely did not push myself nearly as hard has I normally do. Don’t get me wrong. Anytime you run 18 and 20 miles, you are pushing yourself, HA! But trust me, I let a lot go this training. I was just happy and thankful to be healthy enough to run distance again.

I’ve had some doozies in my life. Many things I cannot explain. Experiences I like to call GOD MOMENTS. This is one of them.

After the getting meningitis in October and the terrible drug reaction that followed I knew that I needed this training. And not just to help me get stronger physically. I needed it to heal me mentally. I was scared I’d never feel like myself again. I was scared of getting meningitis a third time! And what would it rob me of then?!?! I wanted my kids to have their mom back. Their healthy, happy, active mom. Heck, I WANTED HER BACK! And the only way I knew how to find her again was to literally run back to her. So after clearing it with all my doctors, I did. I began marathon training in late January.

Almost every training day I was forced to face my fears and I had to fight through a brutal fatigue. There were days when I straight up questioned my judgment. And sanity. There were days when I wondered if I was doing more harm than good. But I ran anyway. I honestly couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my family and friends. I finished a training that I never thought I could finish and was able to put my demons to rest. And God was with me the whole time. I truly believe that He protected me from the pain of the initial break to give me exactly what I needed to fight the thoughts in my head. I believe He revealed the break to me now to show me that He’s been healing and protecting me more than I ever knew. That He is capable of more than I can ever understand in my humanness. He humbles me with these gifts. And I am so thankful.

So the big question that now remains is, “Will I run my ninth marathon on Sunday?” The answer is, “Probably NOT”. Despite there being no medical reason I cannot run Sunday I think I want to pass on this one. My foot still hurts, in my opinion, too much to run a full marathon. And after everything that has been revealed to me over the past 24 hours I think that I discovered that the race itself was never the real lesson. God was all about teaching me and growing me through the journey. That’s just how He rolls.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you happily and gratefully sit this one out!!!