Tapping back in …

Sooooo … I have a race on Sunday. I haven’t raced since last July and that was just for fun when I was in Alaska with friends. Sunday will be fun too but it’s also me officially starting to race seriously again. It is both scary and exciting. Getting sick messed with my mind, body and soul. I’ve slowly crept out of the funk it put me in and I feel like I’m finally owning that my heart is vested in my dreams again. I’m a LONG way off from achieving them. Trust me, Sunday’s race will be slow and steady to the finish. No where near my old finishing times. But you know what? I am going to appreciate every single second of it because those footsteps are the beginning of me believing in myself again.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you tap back in!!!

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Hell hath no fury like a runner disappointed in themselves …

I did my long run yesterday … and it was horrific. I was looking forward to it and had no reservations about getting it done, but it got ugly. REAL UGLY.

The first six miles were fine. Completely uneventful. But by mile 8 I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. The miles that followed were even worse. The word NASTY describes it about as good as “ice cube” describes an iceberg. Yep, it was THAT BAD. It was honestly one of the toughest training runs I’ve ever had. Don’t get me wrong I have experienced these awful miles before. Some runs just SUCK. And this one SUCKED HUGE.

But as much as I loathe these trying runs, I have also grown to appreciate them. Not at the time, of course! At the time I’m too wrapped up in the misery to see anything good. I wonder why I continue to subject myself to the disappointment. I wonder if my body was ever meant for distance. I berate myself with all sorts of negatives! The appreciation I have for tough runs comes later when I realize that I can suffer greatly and still somehow manage to survive. There is something in this realization that gives me strength. Knowing that I can push myself mind, body and soul is empowering. It’s hell, but it’s empowering!

Thankfully by the next day, the memory of my terrible run fades and I begin to think about my next long run. One that I envision will be better. WAY BETTER. The best part of this is that my mind believes it’s possible. Somehow my feelings of defeat morph into determination. FIERCE determination! And it gets me back out there, HAPPILY, week after grueling training week. To try to explain this roller coaster of emotions and self-inflicted physical torment sounds insane even to me. But I guess that’s why they say runners are crazy, HA!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you can’t wait to do it all over again!!!

Judgmental …

I try very hard to mind my own business. I don’t like getting sucked into anything that isn’t mine to own. Nor do I like to draw conclusions on partial information or observations. It can lead to assumptions that are altogether inaccurate. I like to believe I’m more compassionate than that. So, I try not to go there.

That being said …

I had to get my car serviced today. I also had a long run that I needed to get done. So I combined the two. I dropped off my car, declined the loaner car and said I’d be back in a few hours after I was done running. Two birds. One stone. Perfect!

As I was situating myself for my run I overheard a man on his phone. He was upset about how some home improvements were being handled and was attempting to contact the person who such complaints would be reported to. I was taken back by a few words he used to describe his situation. Not bad words, just BIG words to describe things that seemed to overly exaggerate his circumstance. But I STOPPED myself right THERE. Who was I to think such things? I don’t know his whole situation. He could be having 20 other things going on right now that made everything he described seem (or be) justified. Basically I said to myself, “Look here woman, you just lace up YOUR shoes and don’t give this man another thought until you have walked a mile in HIS shoes.” Oh yes, I gave myself a talking to! And off I went on my run.

I was fairly limited on where I could run waiting for my car. I didn’t want to keep getting stuck at street signals so I mapped out a 1.40 mile loop of sorts that I could do over and over again without having to stop. This loop brought me back past the dealership quite a few times. Boring views, to say the least!

Anyway, on about my forth pass by the dealership I came to the main driveway and saw a car approaching the street. I could tell the person driving was not looking in my direction. Even worse, the whole way up to the street, stopped at the street to turn and finally in making their turn out of the driveway, they never once looked in my direction. NOT. ONCE. I stopped next to them hoping to make eye contact them so I would know that it was safe for me to pass. But that never happened. I was standing there so long that I even thought of gently knocking on their window to let them know that I was there. But when I realized who was driving, I decided not to. It was the man I mentioned earlier. He was on his phone. Holding it too, which is a BIG NO NO in California. He was talking up a storm. I waited patiently for him to go. And he did so without ever seeing me standing inches from his car. Ugh. Needless to say, I could no longer remain on higher ground. I could no longer give him the benefit of the doubt nor did I want to. I didn’t care what was going on with him. I was upset that he was so distracted that he didn’t notice me, literally standing right next to him. Oy. THANK GOD I was paying attention because CLEARLY Mr. Big Word Complain-y Pants wasn’t. So much for staying compassionate. BIG sigh …

Well, I hope you all have a day where you aren’t judgmental!!!

Up and at it at undead hours …

I woke up at 4 a.m. today. I was WIDE awake but I decided to stay in bed until it was an acceptable hour to run. I’ve mentioned before that my neighborhood wakes fairly early. I am often the first one out there, but it’s usually within a few minutes of running that “Good Mornings” are exchanged with neighbors who are also out starting their day. Four in the morning, however, is pushing it. As understanding and supportive my neighbors may be of my running and training, no one wants their light sensors triggered and dogs barking that early. Unless of course it was a real threat of vampires and werewolves in the area, HA!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are up and at it at undead hours!!!

A blustery day …

It was absolutely gorgeous here this morning. Sunny and clear. The weather crisp. It was PERFECT. I was really looking forward to my morning run.

And then … WIND.

This is not just a little wind. It is THUNDEROUS wind. It seems to have come out of nowhere and doesn’t appear to be passing any time soon. HOLY MOLY!

Well, I hope you all have a BLUSTERY DAY!!!