Fear and excitement …

It’s race WEEKEND! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I am riddled with emotions. So much so that I used the word RIDDLED in a sentence! I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, HA!But it fits. I AM PIERCED WITH ALL THE FEELS. God bless my sweet friend who has graciously opened her home to me the next two days and has offered to keep me sane. Good Lordy, she has her work cut out for her.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are full of fear and excitement!!!

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I couldn’t have done it without them …

I want to say all of this today, since tomorrow I will just be too busy (and scattered). My heart is so vested in these words that I fear that if I start crying that I might not stop. So if I wrote them tomorrow that would be bad because Sunday is race day.

This will be the first full marathon I will run since I got sick. I’ll be fighting a lot of demons out there Sunday. Yes, I can run. I’ve proved that time and time again. BUT can I run THAT distance again? Do I still have what it takes? I honestly and fearfully don’t know.

But with the love, support, guidance and encouragement of my family, friends and doctors, I get to find out. It’s a miracle I have been given this chance again. And I do not take any of it for granted. It is because of these incredible souls that I am even willing to try.

It’s hard to put yourself out there like this. REAL hard. Even under the best and healthiest of circumstances it takes all you have. Being knocked down physically has only made this task more difficult and one of the biggest mental challenges I have ever faced. But I promised myself something years ago when I took a chance on running seriously again. If I do this, I won’t give it up. I wouldn’t do that to my heart again. Running matters to me. It is the part of me that propels me into a fearlessness that I have never know otherwise. And I don’t want to let it go. Not ever.

The point of all my emotional rambling (HA!) is to publicly thank each and every person who has walked through this season of life with me. The season that robbed me of so much, but gave me back even more than I could have ever imagined.

SO without further adieu … to those beautiful souls who have cheered me on, from those first steps that I took with my walker, to the start line this Sunday morning … I humbly and genuinely thank you for believing in me. I couldn’t have done all of this without all of you.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel eternally grateful!!!

Focus …

Scattered. Scattered. Scattered. I’d like to say that this just describes George’s things from college strewn about our entry way … but it also slightly describes my mind today.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you stay focused!!!

Everything hurts and I’m dying (I’m so extra) …

This morning I ran an easy 3-miler. It will be the last time I run until race day. You would think this “easy” run would, in fact, be EASY. But it’s not. These last few miles I have come to call the “hypochondria miles”. The last of my tapering drama insanity nutso-ness is summed up in what are truly the final steps of my marathon training. I worry about every feeling I … um … feel.

Why does my Achilles feel that way? OH MY GOD IT MUST BE A TEAR!

Why am I breathing like that? MY LUNG MUST HAVE COLLAPSED.

Does my heart usually do that? YES, YES IT BEATS.

Is this harder than it should be? MY GOD ITS ONLY 3 MILES! HOW CAN I POSSIBLY MAKE IT ANOTHER 23.2?!?!

Good Lordy, I literally have to tell myself to SHUT UP and just RUN.

Well, I hope you all have a day where everything doesn’t hurt and you don’t think you’re dying!!!

Happily never knowing …

We are a busy family. We always have been. I think it’s because there are so many of us, HA! In my 20 years plus of parenting I have never felt like we have done TOO MUCH. I felt like I have maintained a balance between school, fun, work, rest and health … but not this school year! It’s been crazy and it only got worse as the year marched on.

At the beginning of Spring I sat down and looked at everything on our calendar. To say I was completely overwhelmed, is an understatement. There was just too much going on. Some of it was our norm, but a lot of new things were on our agenda and they came with a lot of learning. Then there were other “one time” events that demanded priority. Throw in holidays, a vacation, college open houses and marathon training and you have the past 8 weeks of our lives. YIKES. At the time I took a deep breath and prayed for health and time in each day to get it all done. And I’m relieved to say that as of this past weekend we got through it! Except for my marathon this coming Sunday. HA, again! Some people might think that would be the worst if it. But not me. I’m looking forward to. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. It absolutely won’t be. I’m saying it’s going to be freeing. I love to run and to be able to go into this week feeling at ease after weeks of stress and wondering how I was going to fit in my training miles … I finally just get to run.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you happily have no idea how you did it!!!

Blessed beyond reason …

I try to live thankfully every single day. And I think I do a pretty good job of this on most days. But then a day comes around when I’m overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude. Even more so than on a typical day. When my heart is moved so deeply by another human being, or a thought, an action, or a revelation. When a gift is revealed to me so clearly, that it stops me in my tracks and takes my breath away. And all I can think of is how could I possibly deserve so much good.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel blessed beyond reason!!!

Hang in there …

Confession: I have been known to grow attached to and name inanimate objects. Come on people, it makes life more fun! I have named my cars, my cell phones and most recently my Fitbit, Fabio. Unfortunately, Fabio is not doing well. His days are certainly numbered. He has cracks and scratches all over his face. And a big dent all along his left side. His band is also separating from his face so you can see his innards. It’s disturbing!

But I can’t replace him. At least not yet.

The steps we have traveled together are some of the most meaningful I’ve ever taken. Literally, in sickness and in health. From steps in the hospital supported with a walker to some of the fastest steps I’ve ever been blessed to take. Needless to say, Fabio has been through a lot with me. But get this, he has never stopped working. Not even after I accidentally went swimming with him. WHOA! He’s like a tried and true friend. Which is why I’m having a hard time replacing him. Call me crazy, but I have a race in just over a week and I’d really like to have Fabio complete it with me. I would like it to be the final lap in our epic journey together.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you hang in there!!!