Forced recuperation …

I woke up at 4 am. WIDE. AWAKE. On a Saturday. I purposely did my long run yesterday so I could sleep in today. And honestly, by “sleeping in” I mean I was hoping to sleep until 6 am. But, nope. My body wasn’t having any part of that. Or maybe my brain was to blame. Either way, I woke up 2 hours earlier than I wanted to after two days of feeling exhausted. So I refused to let myself get up. My body was going to get the rest it needed even if I had to duct tape myself to my bed to get it! Sheesh!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get some forced recuperation!

One of THOSE nights …

My 1 am turned into 3 am. But I also saw 4 am. And I was able to give an irritated eye roll to 5:30 am. The next hour felt like another blur of restlessness. Ew. Needless to say, today should be interesting.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t have one of THOSE nights!!!

YAY … ish … AGAIN …

I woke up at 3 am all on my own. AGAIN. At 3:30 I realized I wasn’t going to fall back to sleep without a fight. A few years ago I created a little yoga stretch sequence that I can do in bed. It either wakes me up or stretches me out enough so that I can relax and go back to sleep. Today it worked like a charm and I fell back to sleep before 4 am. YAY … ish. I then proceeded to have a crazy dream about my ceiling falling down from a water leak. I woke up in a panic at 4:30 searching my ceiling for any bulging and dripping water. Luckily it was fine. But I was wide awake. AGAIN. I tried my hardest to fall back to sleep but this time it wasn’t happening. So I got up and went on an early morning walk. I surrendered to the idea that God was just going to give me more hours in my day to enjoy. YAY … ish. AGAIN.

Well, I hope you all have a day we’re you rise, stretch, dream, freak out and give in!!!

An insomnia-driven chocolate stupor …

Last night, after I got the girls off to bed, I suddenly found myself freezing cold. I turned up the heater and put on a light sweatshirt. I thought I would head off to bed as well but that didn’t happen. What I thought was going to be an early night for me ended up being a long drawn out sleepless extravaganza. I found myself wide awake until well after midnight. Ugh. And then I got a craving for chocolate. Ugh again. So, out of boredom and a huge desire not to obsess about chocolate all night long, I indulged in the smallest amount of chocolate possible. A chocolate sucker. I didn’t finish a quarter of it and it did the trick! Craving gone. I need to remember this one! Anyway, a little while later I finally got tired enough asleep. Yay!

Flash forward to this morning.

I woke up at 5 a.m. but decided to push my run off until later because it was raining pretty hard. After I dropped the girls off at school I quickly ran into the house, changed my clothes and started to head out the door. I realized I might get a little chilly so I threw back on the light sweatshirt that I had on last night and then left for my run.

Now I’m not sure if I was a whole lot more tired than I thought I was last night but about 3 miles into my run I noticed something. I had chocolate smeared all over the front of my sweatshirt. HUH?!?!

OK, first. How did I not notice it earlier? And second, how did it get there?!?! All I had was a quarter of a chocolate sucker at most! And it looked like at least that much was on my sweatshirt! It made me question my whole night. How many suckers did I actually have?!?! Did I DROOL while eating my fragment of a sucker?!?! And good Lordy, if I did, how did I not know THAT ONE?!? I’ll be honest folks, I’m baffled about this one. Utterly.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t experience an insomnia-driven chocolate stupor!!!

I wondered why …

I woke up at about 5:00am this morning. Sad for a weekend! I wasn’t tired anymore and, as much as I tried, I couldn’t fall back to sleep. At 7:00am I gave up altogether figuring Reese would be awake soon.

But that was not the case … and I was baffled.

Then the ugly truth it HIT ME. Daylight Savings. EW. And even more EW was the realization that my 5:00am wake-up was ACTUALLY our old 4:00AM! Ugh …

Well, I hope you all have a day where you figure it out!!!

Wide awake …

Before getting sick I was an early riser. No, I mean REALLY early. I woke up before my alarm usually about 5 am, easy peasy. And FULL of energy. That has NOT been the case for 16 months now. Don’t get me wrong, the nagging fatigue is gone. THANK GOD. But waking up is a whole different ballgame for me now. I wake up groggy. No more bouncing out of bed. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. NOPE. After decades of being one way, you don’t forget it … NOT EVER. Anyway, that being said, I’m INCREDIBLY thankful for the recovery I’ve had thus far and for all the neurological bullets I dodged. I just recently had a physical and my doctor told me again how lucky I was to have had no lingering issues from the encephalopathy. She also seemed very hopeful that I’m going to one day feel FULLY like myself again. Needless to say I left that appointment feeling GREAT!

When you are in the midst of recovery and healing you don’t always feel or see the progress you have made. I can now that so much time has passed but some things still really bother me. Like the difficulty I have waking up. It’s incredibly frustrating to say the least. But as soon as I get frustrated I remind myself of how far I have come and of what could have been (EEEEK). And now I have the words my doctor said to me. I’m going to CLING to her hopefulness. And let life unfold.

This morning I received a little gift. I woke up at 4 am. All on my own. And feeling like me again. This has happened a few times now. I have learned that these mornings don’t last. Tomorrow or the next day will likely be a different story. But that’s OK. I enjoy having a glimpse of the old me. No matter how fleeting these mornings may be I couldn’t be more grateful to still have them.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are WIDE AWAKE!!!

Wide awake, frustrated and math is dumb …

Since going back to school my caffeine intake has increased. I would say even tripled on some days. Truth be told, I’m not sure if it’s helping me or hurting me. I’m either learning stuff REALLY fast, or NOT learning stuff REALLY fast. One thing is for sure though. Anything that requires me to do math fast is not good. It makes my brain hurt … and makes me want to shred my textbooks with my bare teeth, set fire to the remnants … and spit on their ashes.

OK, so it appears the increase in caffeine may have a few negative effects on me. But at least I’m not sleeping through it. Swell.

Oh, and for the record, math is dumb.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you aren’t wide awake and frustrated!!!