Happily falling apart …

Most people who know me would say that I hold it together unusually well during times of stress and change. I deal with things straightforward. What’s on my plate that day, gets my effort and attention. When I was younger I was a worry wart. I was anxious about EVERYTHING. That all faded away. Now I save my efforts for the real stuff and even then I remain pretty calm. And optimistic. It drives my crew crazy sometimes. I think they want to see more “emotion” out of me. Trust me, I am one emotional woman. I’m a crier. I laugh at just about everything. And I’m usually the happiest person in the room. But when it comes to stressful situations or change I just gave up freaking out about them. It’s way easier to just deal with them. In a “matter-of-fact” kind of way I muddle through the tough times. I do make a TON of lists. They tend to keep me focused. Plus they are a great visual for me to measure my progress through the problem or situation I’m currently in the thick of.

Regardless of what I’ve been dealing with, when the day comes when I feel like I am finally passed it, I tend to fall apart. I’ll cry more, sleep like a rock and sometimes I get sick. It’s like my mind and body can finally let their defenses down. It’s funny. Even though this is when I feel like a mess, it’s also a time when I feel my strongest. It’s like earning another battle scar. And it’s a reminder that I am a survivor. Again.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you happily fall apart!!!

Finishing strong …

My training for the Los Angeles Marathon is complete. I always consider my last Saturday run before race day my final training run. I usually have two easy 3-milers over the next week to stay loose, but for all intents and purposes training is done. This week brings a significant rest period for your body. There is a science to marathon training. I learn something knew about it every time. I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand it, but I know it works … and I trust it. For some reason it was very important to me to have my last run be outside today. I guess I felt like after all I’d been through this training, I deserved to end it where I feel the most free. But being overly cautious I didn’t want to run in the rain. I am still coughing quite a bit and have a lot of congestion. I have 8 days to get better and I didn’t want to do anything that will make me worse. So I spent the morning hanging with my H-Crew, when there was absolutely no rain. As my crazy training would have it, just as I was walking out the door (no joke) it started pouring! I just had to laugh. Really??? So I sat down and waited. Then I made lunch and waited a little longer. Then the storm passed. This time literally! So I got out there and ran. The first two miles were perfect. Then the sun came out around mile 3 and it got oddly hot. But I pushed through keeping my pace where I wanted it. Then at mile 4 a headwind started. I was like, “Are you kidding me???” It was horrible. And then at mile 6 … another storm. With two miles left to go, I refused to give in. I was finishing this training the way I started it and how I faced every personal trial. STRONG. I have survived two bouts of the darn plague, relived the loss of my mother, saw my baby sicker than she has ever been and thought I had breast cancer! I wasn’t backing down to some rain and wind. Heck, it was down right poetic to end my training this way! And boy oh boy did I get angry! I was talking to myself (god bless my neighbors for loving me through my running antics), pushing myself and somehow … healing myself. I was on a mission to shed the pain and worry and self doubt that consumed me the past 7 weeks. And despite my tears, my coughing and my snot (good lord, where is this coming from), I did it … and it felt simply … amazing.

Well, I hope you all had a day where you FINISHED STRONG!!!