We were all over the place yesterday. We started off with a relaxing morning at our hotel. Then we picked up some more things for George's dorm room and went to a nice lunch. We later headed into San Francisco to drop off some things at Sidney's new place and also for some fun. After an unusually late dinner we headed back to our hotel. We were all pretty tired from our day and George fell asleep on the way home. I was glad. He has a HUGE day tomorrow. It's not every day that you move into your first college dorm room.
Anyway, I realized that he fell asleep about 30 minutes into our drive back when his breathing changed. It caught my attention and I looked over at him. He was sound asleep and I was suddenly stuck with more emotions than my heart could handle. It was like my entire being was flooded with 18 years of memories. Memories of my precious baby boy who has now GROWN into an incredible young man. A man about to start his new life at college. A man about to chase his dreams. And it all seems to have happened in the blink of an eye. It overwhelms me. All of it. I couldn't be prouder of my son. Or happier. But I am sad for me. I am going to miss this kid. A lot.
I reached over and touched George's face as he slept. It has changed so much. HE has changed so much. I guess I startled him as he woke long enough to grab ahold of my hand. His hands are not the little boy's hands who held my mine all those years ago. They are a man's LARGE hands. My hearts wanted to scream out, "Who's hands are these? Where are my baby boy's hands?" But I didn't. I know who's hands they are. And it's all just so hard to believe.
George held my hand briefly before falling back to sleep. I continued our drive back to the hotel thinking about the years that have passed and the years that lie ahead. All that newness. But knowing in my heart that it's time. It's time for all this TREMENDOUS change. Life has brought us here. And this is where we must part (at least temporarily) and trust where God is going to lead us. Son and mom. Mom and son. Son. Mom. Wherever life takes us. THIS is where we let go.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are ready for the next BIG thing!!!
It’s Independence Day! The 4 of July! I love celebrating this holiday! I feel so blessed to be a part of this beautiful country of ours. I don’t care that we aren’t perfect. The freedoms, rights and liberties that we enjoy here are priceless. I refuse to take them for granted too. I am thankful for those who have fought for them and those who continue to fight for them. To benefit so tremendously from their bravery, selflessness and sacrifice, humbles me! And no matter what turmoil we as a country may face, I will still delight in being a citizen of this great country.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are proud to be an American!!!
If I had to describe this past school year I would describe it as CHALLENGING. It started off as any other year had … and then craziness ensued. Getting sick is one of the most selfish things I could have ever done to my kids, my family and my friends. It derailed all of us.
Do I really believe it was my fault?
No. Of course not. But I still feel a tremendous sense of guilt especially when it comes to my kids. They needed me and there were days when I could hardly lift my head. My heart broke each time I couldn’t do something for them. I was angry when they had to struggle without me. They had to step it up and do so much on their own. Things that I normally would do for them or with them. They missed out on our talks. Moments that they used to deflate from their day or share their excitements. They handled stress and problems without me. Again. It broke me.
Today my son George graduates from high school. Goodness I love this kid of mine! He is gentle, kind, compassionate and brilliant. And throughout this past school year he grew into so much more. He matured naturally but also because he had to. He didn’t fight it. He never acted out. He wasn’t bitter. He just went with it. He helped so much. He took on so much. And he accomplished so much. As painful (and wonderful) as it is to admit this, my baby boy grew up in what seems like a few short months. He had to.
Today feels surreal. I want to cry because it’s over and cry from a sense of relief. This was a tough school year but George did it. He finished despite the curve balls life threw at us. And he somehow managed to thrive.
If we are lucky, as parents, sometimes we get a glimpse of reassurance that our kids are READY to take on the world. They get it. They can do this. Those moments when we see clearly that they are exactly what God meant them to be in this time and in this place. I gratefully had many of these moments this school year. They came as a result of time and nature but also out of pain and need. I don’t believe anything happens by chance so I cannot look back on this school year bitterly. All the events that unfolded have delivered us to this day. My baby boy’s graduation day. He got here precisely how he needed to and in a way that has left him better and more capable. What an amazing young man he has become. Indeed.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are proud!!!
When your kid puts themselves “out there”, leaving their comfort zone and taking a chance. No matter what the outcome, as a parent, you really can’t help but feel one way.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel proud!!!
Today we registered G3 for his senior year in high school. Between taking his senior portraits last week and this, there is no denying it … I am not handling this any better than I did when Sid experienced all of it. The same feelings of excitement, pride, loss and grief are doing battle in my heart again. My little boy has become a brilliant young man with an amazing future ahead of him. I truly couldn’t be happier. But I am also saddened by the changes that I know are coming. I also grieve for the time that seems to have passed so quickly. My memories return to my newborn son’s tiny hands … that are now bigger than mine. My shy, sweet Hammy Handsome is now a confident man ready to take on the world. And yet I can’t help but think of those precious times when he wore Thomas the Tank sneakers and when he told me “I did it” for the very first time. Yes, my baby boy … you DID do it. And mommy couldn’t be prouder of you.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are happily heartbroken!!!
Some days my kiddos just impress the heck out of me. Today G3 started P90X all on his own and Libs tackled her first day of tennis camp in this crazy heat. Neither tasks were easy to accomplish but they did it! Even after feeling the magnitude of the challenges they have chosen to tackle, both kids still remain eager to keep with their summer fitness goals. Gotta love their determination!
Well, I hope you all have day where you are proud!!!
Earlier today I wasn’t able to make it to the gym to get my miles in. I thought perhaps I would just skip it all together, but life has allowed me to surround myself with some of the most inspiring friends and family a girl could ever ask for. So at 9 p.m. this evening I walked through the gym doors to get those 18 miles done.
Because I want this and I want it BAD. I want to show up AND conquer the Twin Cities Marathon. I want to make my family, my mentors, my friends and myself proud on race day. I want there to be no doubt that I wanted THIS bad enough. And that I did EVERYTHING within my power to achieve my goals. Whether I fail miserably or exceed my wildest expectations, I want to know that I did my best.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are determined!!!