This morning I had a yucky awful terrible run. Those are THE WORST and they usually leave me pretty irritable. About an hour after my run I spoke with my son, George, who is in Germany. This was THE BEST! My spirits were quickly lifted after hearing his voice. I miss him more than words could ever describe and his calls make me feel SO MUCH better. But a little while later Libs sent me a picture of herself after she got her hair styled for her senior portraits that she’s having done later today. This got me CRYING. When did my Little Libby Lu Lamb Chop become this beautiful young woman?!?! Needless to say, my morning has been chocked full of emotions.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel all the feels!!!
About 10 years ago I reconnected with my mother’s boyfriend from long ago. And yesterday was the first time I had seen him in over 27 years. We managed to carve out some precious time to spend together. He also brought one of his daughters and his son, some of my earliest childhood friends. And it was incredible. With my mother having passed away so long ago and not having any siblings many of the memories I have of this time period I have kept to myself. Sure I’ve mentioned my early childhood, but most of the details we kept hidden away in my heart and mind.
I’m not sure if I could ever put into words what it felt like reliving those memories with the people I actually made them with. To have those things in common with others, after all this time, was surreal. My mom’s ability to make ridiculous amounts of Italian meatballs. Our camping trips in the snow. Feeding chipmunks in the forest. Jumping off the rocks into the water at Kings Canyon. Hiking. The pillow that my mom sat on to see over the steering wheel of her first car. Riding our bikes to the candy store. Our lemonade stands. Crawling out of our second story window and watching fireworks on our roof. The reason I HATE watermelon. All of it, I hadn’t thought about, let alone talked about, in YEARS.
I feel so connected to my past now. Like it was somehow validated as real and it’s no longer dreamlike. Sadly, I didn’t even know it was all starting to feel that way. When I found the quote below by Lois Lowry from The Giver, I was blown away. Memories DO need to be shared. I feel a genuine sense of peace about this whole experience. It’s like I got relief from something that I didn’t even know was upsetting to me. I may never know why God chose this exact time in my life for all of this to happen, but I guess I really needed it because it all feels pretty darn good. And I’m thankful. Very, very, thankful.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you no longer walk down memory lane alone!!!
Happy World Down Syndrome Day everyone!
March 21 was designated as a global day of awareness that has been officially observed by the United Nations since 2012. This date was chosen to represent the triplication of the 21st chromosome (3/21) found in individuals with Down Syndrome. As you all know, my daughter Reese has Down Syndrome and she is the most amazing human being that I know. She is strong, smart and beautiful. Anyone who knows Reese will say that she makes the world a lighter and brighter place. Seriously you guys, she is THE BEST. I am truly blessed that God chose me to be her mom!
Well, I hope you all have a day where you celebrate EXTRA!!!
Today I had my annual mammogram. It’s always a little nerve racking for me, as I would assume it is for all women. It’s incredibly hard to sit there calmly when I have to answer questions about my mom and the disease that took her life. I literally want to jump out of my skin. Today I decided to have no coffee before I left for my appointment. Sleepy and lazy is way more beneficial to me sitting there waiting for my name to be called, than amped up on caffeine and nutty. Trust. Me.
I arrived to the hospital early and got called back very quickly. I was in and out of there 10 minutes before my scheduled appointment time. WOW! It all went as usual but the tech took some extra images. That freaked me out a little until she explained why. She actually showed me why on my images. My boobs for didn’t fit in the whole image frame. HA! This happened to me years ago. I believe I was told that they try to use the same size imaging plates every year for continuity, so if you gain or lose weight that can alter what they see. I was fine once my tech told me why and thanked her for being thorough.
Anyway, for me mammograms will always be scary. I will never go into one anxiety-free. Nor will I feel relieved until I get my results. Mammograms are, at minimum, very uncomfortable and can be downright painful. I will always want to cancel my appointment, but I will show up anyway. And … I will always stand in front of the mirror in the dressing room and take a good long look at myself before I go in to the imaging room. It is here where I ground myself in my truth.
I am Donna’s daughter.
And yes, she died of Breast Cancer.
But I am also me.
I am who God created, and I have my OWN life journey.
It does not have to be the same as my mother’s.
Perhaps one day it could be.
But for now, I will just take care of myself in the best ways I know how. Even if it terrifies me to do so.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you do what you gotta do!!!
Today is Reese’s school Jog-a-Thon and she was SO EXCITED this morning. My little peanut loves to run. Which of course makes me incredibly happy. We haven’t done any formal training yet but when I see her run she has THAT look. To call it “freedom” is an understatement. To call it “joyful” doesn’t seem like nearly enough. It’s just so much more. I bought Reese new running shoes yesterday and this morning before we put them on her she stood next to them and started running in place. I totally GOT it. Yup, running. When it has you, you know it … and it feels incredible.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you run your little heart out!!!
Libs and I have decided that we want to learn how to crochet … because we both have so much free time on our hands.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you laugh you butt off!!!
One of my best friends became a grandmother today. Her daughter and son-in-law had their first baby. They had a little girl and she is absolutely perfect! I could have cuddled this little peanut for a month. She’s darling! I couldn’t be happier for my friend and her growing family. She and I have been blessed to share a lot of LIFE together. A LOT. And I have to say that this event certainly ranks up there as one of the best!
Well, I hope you all have a day where you get to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments!!!