Too excited to sleep …

I couldn’t fall asleep last night and I woke up at 3:30 a. m. this morning.

WHY?!?!

Because after two months away at college I FINALLY get to see my son George today. It’s his university’s family weekend. YAY! And get this! Sid has arranged to spend some time with me today too! I get to spend time with BOTH my big kids! WOO HOO!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are too excited to sleep!!!

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Making myself feel better …

I ALWAYS miss Sid and George when they are off at college, but Sunday mornings are worse. WAY WORSE. Our house is far more quiet than it normally is and there are less people to cook breakfast for. I guess it’s like that all week when they are gone, but Sunday, it all just seems to effect me more. BIG SIGH. It might sound silly, but when I feel down like this I drink my coffee out of one of the Northern California mugs that they have given me. It somehow makes me feel closer to them … and THAT makes me happy.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you make yourself feel better!!!

A sight for sore eyes …

My son George went to dinner with us last night. He drove over from the university in yucky traffic to spend a few hours with us. He was home about two weeks ago for his Spring Break. But honestly, it doesn’t matter if I have recently seen my college kids. I miss them so quickly after a visit it’s insane! And because George knows that, he made sure he saw us. What a great kid!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you see a sight for sore eyes!!!

Best surprise EVER …

Yesterday Libs told me that Sid needed me to be home this morning to receive a package that would be delivered after 8 am. I originally thought that Sidney had accidentally shipped something important to me, instead of to herself. As I asked more questions about what to do with the package once it was delivered, I was told that the package was for me. Being Pi Day today I immediately thought that Sid somehow figured out how to send me a pie. HA! That is absolutely something she would do! But what she did, was even better.

When I returned home from Reese’s school this morning, I opened the door to my “package”. IT WAS SID! My sweet daughter booked an early flight and came HOME! I literally screamed when I saw her. Then I cried like a baby. I was missing her so much! Now with George coming home for Spring Break on Friday we will all be together again. YAY!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get the best surprise EVER!!!

Just what I needed …

Last night we got to have dinner and a nice visit with my big kids. OK, not in person, but via FaceTime. Sid, George and Trevor, Sid’s boyfriend, met up with their dad last night who is working in Napa. They had dinner at one of our favorite places in Santa Rosa, Tex Wasabi’s. I was missing my big kids something awful yesterday and knowing that they were all getting together made it WORSE. I wanted Libs, Reese and I to be a part of it too. So much so that I seriously considered booking flights for the girls and I yesterday. Then Libs reminded me that she has a tennis match on Saturday and school in the morning. OH YEAH. Clearly missing my kids clouded my thinking, HA! Needless to say, we didn’t go. So I was feeling a bit down last night. But then they all started sending pictures (funny ones too) and FaceTimed us. I LOVED IT. I’ve said this before but it’s true. I’ve never appreciated technology more than I do now having kids in college. It really does help you stay connected. It makes the miles between us seem shorter. I’m not sure if it helps me miss them any less but things like FaceTime certainly have comforted me when all I want to do is spend some time with them. Last night was a great example of this. When we hung up I felt so much better. I still miss them terribly but for now, I’m satisfied.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get what you needed!!!

The love living on in my heart …

One year ago today I drove home in the pouring rain after spending the early evening with my dear friend. It would be just hours before she took her last breath. I will be forever grateful that her husband welcomed me into their home that day and for allowing me to sit and just love on her. Those moments with her will remain some of the most precious I have ever shared with another human being.

Sadly, I am no stranger to moments like these. I was there for both my parents as they passed. As a social worker I sat with many patients and their families as codes were called and time of death was reported. I never took any of those last moments as less than profound. I was honored and still am that God called me to share them with so many beautiful souls. Having been there for both my parents has definitely made their deaths more tolerable-ish. But NONE of these last moments were easy. NONE. The loss of a loved one is awful. REALLY AWFUL. I do think that these experiences, along with God’s grace, has given me a sense of peace about death and dying. There is a natural and spiritual process that I saw, time and time again, that both personally and professionally blew me away. The reconciliation one’s mind, body and soul has with death is nothing short of heroic. And being there for my parents certainly gave me comfort knowing that they were taken care of until the very end. But despite the peace I have and my faith in God, grief is no less painful. It stings. And if you loved BIG, I don’t think that sting EVER goes away. At least it hasn’t for me. Love and loss comes with unfathomable pain. Nothing can ever replace the touch of a loved one who has passed. Their laughter will always be missed. Memories are great, but they are no substitute for the real time we spend with our loved ones. And the passage of time doesn’t seem to make their absence any easier. I wish this world talked more about grief and how it may change but it doesn’t truly go away. Acknowledging that we all hurt and miss someone and admitting that sometimes we all just need a hug could do us some good. I think if we did we might all be kinder and take better care of one another.

Today (and LOTS of other days) I miss my friend. Gut wrenching, to my soul, pain is what I feel. I want her back. I miss her. In my human state I cannot reconcile her death in my brain to make sense. She was too young. Too good. She had too many people who still needed her. I still needed her. Yes, today I am grieving deeply. But I am also celebrating a love and a friendship and a sisterhood that God so generously blessed me with. And even though I don’t feel it was nearly enough time, I couldn’t be more thankful to have shared my life with this incredible woman. My faith reassures me that I will see her again. And when I do, I’m going to give her the biggest tightest hug Heaven has ever seen.

Well, I hope you all have a day where love lives on in your heart!!!

Home … 

Traveling is a wonderful. Having the opportunity to get away from your daily routine and responsibilities is like a miraculous healing. But the excitement you see on your 7 year old’s face after having been gone is absolutely priceless. That tight hug that you get is the best feeling in the world. THE. BEST. It reminds you of what is truly important in life … love and the people you share it with. No matter how great one’s travels may be, there is no better place to be than with the people you love most and where your heart feels like belongs.

Well, I hope you all have a day where it feels like home!!!