Happily growing older …

Yesterday I found myself explaining how elated I am to be turning 50. I know that may sound absolutely crazy to a lot people, but if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not like most people. I’ve never been one to focus on my age. I’ve actually spent most of my life focused on my mortality. Having a mom who died in her mid forties after battling breast cancer twice taught me that life isn’t so much about longevity as it is the quality of time you have here. But it also scared me A LOT. I honestly never new if I would make it to see 50 especially dealing with meningitis … twice. OY. But despite it all, here I am. Healthy. Fit. And feeling quite blessed. I am honestly surprised I made it, HA! So how can I be anything less that overjoyed? I’m surrounded by incredible friends and family and I’ve been given the most wonderful children in the world. And God has graciously given me more time to share with them than I ever expected.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are happily growing older!!!

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Loved and needed …

Having four children, and one with special needs, comes with an incredible amount of responsibility. Even with two adult children now, life can often seem like it’s pulling me in every direction possible. Maybe even in some directions not yet discovered by scientists and mathematicians, HA! I am constantly doing something for someone or planning something that needs to be (or someone wants to be) done. I am their GO-TO person for problem-solving and … cash. HA, again! We share long talks late at night and I receive ugly early morning wake up calls. I have event alerts on my phone for us along with calendars (TWO) posted in our kitchen to keep us organized. Every night I review my To-Do List for the next day. It is usually filled with things that they need help with. I am available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for them. Until I die. And even then, l’m sure that I’ll figure out a way to still stay involved. HA, again again!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. Actually, I feel like I’m bragging.

Why?

Because my kids are incredible human beings. They are thoughtful, kind, loving, responsible and driven. And they LOVE and NEED me. To be LOVED is wonderful. To be NEEDED magnifies love 10-fold. Heck, 1,000,000-fold. Is that even a thing?!?! Regardless, my heart is full. My life is blessed, SO BLESSED, because of these humans who I love beyond measure. It may sound exhausting, and honestly some days it is, but I wouldn’t trade this life with them for anything. I love that they still need me. That they choose to make me THAT person. Because really, they don’t have to. They can turn to friends and other family members who would be there for them just as readily as I am. But they go to me. Their mom. And well, I don’t think there has ever been anything in my life that has been quite so rewarding and humbling. I thank God every day for them and the privilege of being their mom. And all the duties and responsibilities that go with it and that I take on. It’s an honor. Truly.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel LOVED and NEEDED!!!

A Merry Christmas Eve … 

From the bottom of my heart I am hoping that each of you find yourselves in good health and in the presence of those who matter most to you today. I pray that you also feel safe and truly loved. Life just doesn’t get much better than that. 

Well, I hope you all have a day where you have a Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Just be … 

Every new year I come up with a new mantra. A simple phrase or one word that I use throughout the year to keep me focused on who I am and what I want to become.

I am not a big resolution maker. I never have been. I just like to keep things ultimately moving in the right direction. Forward. Sure I stumble, just like everyone else, but in the end, once I pick myself back up again, forward is the way I want to go. And by “forward” I mean living a lifestyle that supports me being me and the efforts that I make to become more of the me I was always meant to be. Being genuine is important to me. I am what I am. You get what you see. And I am not going to lie about one messy part of me. I have always liked that about myself. I make no apologies for who I am … and it feels wonderful.

BUT it doesn’t always come easy. It is a lot simpler to become what others expect of you. To fit in. To suppress who you sincerely are so that you feel loved and accepted. On some level, it is pleasant to feel that you are pleasing others. And It certainly can make for an “easier” life in some instances. Yet, this does not bring real happiness. At best, it’s a quick fix.

As for me, I want to be honest. I want to live a candid and unfiltered life. I want people to love and accept me in my flawed authentic state. If people don’t like me, that is fine. I don’t need everyone to like me … just the ones who appreciate my me-ness.

I think it takes time to get to this point in your life. At least requiring enough experience that shows you that being who you are is, quite honestly, the best gift you could ever give yourself. There is comfort, calmness and joy in being able to love yourself in your rawest form. And it is a way of life that I will continue to embrace throughout 2016.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you choose to JUST BE !!!

  

Loved …

Some people just seem to naturally have the ability to make me feel special. It seems effortless, it just happens. Like they are part of my innate well being. I am balanced, centered and connected, in part, because of them. They make me happy. And I feel a sense of joy because of them. My life and who I am are positively shaped by my relationship with them. Things … no … I … wouldn’t be right without them because they make me feel alive.

Well, I hope you all had a day where someone made you feel loved!!!