What if …

I realized something about myself today. I have grown to have very little patience for people who are major doom and gloom-ers. I don’t mean people who are negative at times or even people who are pessimistic by nature. I mean people who go to extreme awful places in their thoughts and decide to share them with me to drive their point home. Like somehow recruiting me into their “kooky” is going to benefit anyone. These are people who make situations worse, not better. And they attempt disguise their thoughts as helpful or precautionary. Um. No. No they are not. Don’t get me wrong. I find worrying and anxiety to be beneficial at times. They get us thinking and help call us to action. But unwarranted worry is not helpful. It’s hurtful. And it’s exhausting. To watch someone engage in this type of behavior is downright unpleasant.

I have written before that I used to be a worrier in my early 20s. I worry now, but differently. It’s far more discerning than it was when I was younger. If I worry it’s got meaning. I also believe that my optimism has won out over fear. It takes precedence in even the most unpleasant situations I face. I somehow always manage to find some room for hope. I like that about myself. I like that life and its’ mishaps haven’t made me bitter or worrisome. Life is not easy. Heck, it can me down right awful at times! But I figure I’ve come this far without losing my hope and without assuming the worse. I don’t think I’ll be changing anytime soon. So the doom and gloom-ers can steer clear of me. I’ve got better things to do. Like deal with reality. Happily and hopefully.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t dwell on WHAT IF!!!

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Thanks, but no thanks …

I went to sleep last night completely exhausted. It was a LONG day. Then l had insomnia. PERFECT timing as usual (note sarcasm). I decided to finally give up on sleep at around 4:30 this morning. I should be happy I guess. I get more hours in my day to enjoy, right?!?! I should feel lucky. Sorta?

Well, I hope you all have a day where you completely understand the saying "thanks, but no thanks"!!!

Summer’s end and a change of pace …

It's our last Sunday of summer break. Sid and George are at college. Libs and Reese return to school on Tuesday. This summer has been a DOOZEY. Emotional and exciting don't even come close to describing it. The summer of 2017 will go down as one of my all time favorites.

I never want summer to end but there is something about the routine that comes with the start of a new school year that grounds me. Summer months tend to feel (and be) more spontaneous and frivolous. But the Fall, winter and Spring months have a coziness to them. Our days are filled with the orderliness of schedules, sports and school, and by the end of August I'm usually ready for it. Fall and winter around this house are filled with magic and traditions that I have come to love. This year we even have some different things planned as well. I'm looking forward to both the familiar back-to-school regimen and the new life we will carve out for ourselves. Our family dynamics are not the same with two of my four children out of the house now. Life will undoubtedly be different, but I know it will be good for all of us.

So am I ready to say "goodbye" to these incredible days of summer? Yes. I believe I am. I will tuck their memories away in my heart. And I will be grateful for each and every moment that I got to spend with the people I love most in this world. God blessed me with another summer … and I truly can't be more thankful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are ready for a change of pace!!!

Go with the flow …

Winding down from the past eight days hasn't been easy. Coming home to a house that is down so many in numbers has just been weird. And of course now it's time to get ready for Libs' and Reese's first day of school next week AND their birthdays.

Life is ALWAYS busy. At least mine is. And I love it. I don't mean the busyness. I mean the "life" part. My life is never boring. It's full of change. It's full of happiness and pain. We have great times and we have struggles. It simply amazes me that it all keeps moving fluidly. And we just glide along with all of it mapping out a new course as each day passes.

I agree that times can be hard. I'm currently in one. I'm grieving the changes in our family. I miss my kids and what was. But I know I'll adapt and figure it all out. That is the beauty that comes with accepting life as it is and as it should be. It will come. This time might be difficult but my life is still incredible. I still laugh and enjoy every crazy mixed-up and turned around situation I find myself in. And I love and adore the people who I have chosen and who have chosen me share them with. We drift through this life together like a stream. My life takes many twists and turns. I don't always see what lies beneath the water. Heck, sometimes I don't want to. But it's all a part of this magnificent opportunity we have been given time and time again … to find joy in each new day. And as long as I have breath, no matter what I may be facing, I will seek it.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you go with the flow!!!

Head in the clouds …

I’ve always been a dreamer. I think it is one of my biggest flaws and one of my greatest blessings. Even when I was a young woman filled with anxiety I still managed to dream BIG. Now that I’m older many of my anxieties have fallen by the wayside which leaves lots of room for dreaming. I think that by allowing myself to dream I have had a better stronghold on hope. It really has worked for me in just about every situation I’ve been in. Even the really ugly ones. I think the ability to dream has also allowed me to maintain a certain measure of flexibility in my thoughts. If one thing doesn’t work out exactly the way I had hoped it can be easily modified. My thinking can be changed, and before I even realize it a new dream is in place. Some things have to change to bring us to the right place in our lives or to help us reach our goals, right?!?! From the bottom of my heart I believe that both God and the universe direct me in the way I need to go. I find so much comfort in that. Rigidity definitely has no place in this dreamer’s life. With all the twists and turns my life has taken I think rigidity would have been the end of my happiness. My soul would have deflated like a balloon decades ago. My spirit would have been crushed. Dreaming has kept me happy and hopeful. So … I guess I’ll just stick with it.

Well, I hope you all have a day where your head is in the clouds!!!

A beautiful and imperfect life …

When I pray I don’t ask for a perfect life. But instead, I ask for perfect moments in my rather imperfect life. I do not need an easy life to be happy. I do not need flawlessness. What makes me the happiest are those times when I am with the people I love most, sharing easy conversations, laughs or even stillness, quiet or tears. Those moments when I find myself saying that I wouldn’t trade RIGHT NOW for anything, no matter what situation I may be in. We could be home or on an adventure. At the market or an appointment. We can be going through tough times or good. It doesn’t matter. Opening my heart to accepting that these moments can happen ANYWHERE and under ANY circumstances has allowed me much joy. The genuineness of these moments allow me to feel the closeness that I am blessed to share with others. I appreciate the natural flow of these interactions and the contentment that they bring. They are a reminder that there is a great beauty in just BEING.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you appreciate your beautiful life!!!

Find your joy …

Life doesn’t hand you happiness. Birth was never a guarantee that you would be happy. It meant that you had a chance at it. Having worked in mental health services for a number of years I came to have some understanding of biochemistry and how it affects our brains. I began to believe that if someone can be biochemically depressed then there must be others who can have a propensity to be happy. I honestly think I’m one of those people. I wake up, about 95% of the time, in a good mood, sometimes for absolutely no reason at all. I know that this is a blessing beyond blessings. And TRUST ME, I am very thankful. But the fact still remains that I’m left with my day. And what to do with it. Good or bad I have to strive to keep that happiness alive. Some days are WAY easier than others. Some days are impossible. But if I can EKE OUT even a smidgeon of happy I consider my day a success. Happiness is definitely an inside job that takes a heck of a lot of work to obtain and maintain. But dang, it’s worth it!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you find your joy!!!