I’m going to miss this (boxes and bags included) …

Our house is a disaster. Moving Sid and George out of the house on the same day is just NUTS. But it is the only way it all makes sense logistically and with the time frames we have been given. So, we have two people who are cleaning out their rooms and closets. They are also, at the same time, boxing up things that they will take with them, things they will leave here and things they will donate. Then you have me who keeps buying things to make sure they have exactly what they need to actually move out. We also Libs who is getting ready to start her sophomore year of high school and a busy tennis season. And we have an excited Reese who is eager to "help" with everything. Oh! And let's not forget the online orders that are starting to arrive. You know, the stuff I thought should be ordered for school for the younger girls to save time as summer draws to an end. Yep, this house is an explosion of boxes and bags. And you know what?

I love it.

I look around and I see FAMILY and LIFE and LOVE. I see ADVENTURE and NEW BEGINNINGS. It's what's happening NOW to and for my most favorite people in the world. It is a snapshot in our lives. A time that will pass quickly but will have lasting memories. This is US. And our US is on the verge of another major change. It excites my soul and breaks my heart all at once. I want to keep my children little and safe and with me. But I also want them to grow and experience life and learn every lesson they can even if that takes them away from me.

I will always look back at this time in our lives as truly special. An unexpected gift from God. When Sid moved out I wasn't sure if we would ever get this much time together again. I accepted that. But when I got sick last Fall it's all that I could think of. US. Together again. These past few months with everyone home has been exactly what I had hoped for … and needed. To see it all change again is hard. But I refuse to be greedy. I got my heart's desire. Now it's time for these amazing young souls, that I had the privilege to raise, to venture out into the world. I can't wait to see what is in store for them. For me. For us.

Thursday is coming quickly. The day all this change goes into motion. I'm ready. More importantly, THEY are ready. I am consumed with every mom emotion I have ever felt. I am blessed to feel so much and experience this unusual balance between loss and gain again. Life will take on a new shape for us. I know this and it's OK. Our time together will be altered by distance, schedules, and responsibilities. But we will figure it all out. Love just does. A new normal will soon set in and this transition will become another notch on our family belt. The hardness of this will all fade away. But for now, I will just cherish every last familiar messy moment we get spend together. Boxes and bags included.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you're going to miss this!!!

It stung a little …

Today we officially began packing George up for college. It was a fun day but there was a certain pang of pain that didn't go unnoticed.

Well, I hope you all had a day that didn't sting a little!!!

A wonderful Mother’s Day …

Having lost my mom over 23 years ago Mother’s Day has always been a bit of a struggle for me. Some years are worse than others. This year I seem to be doing pretty good with all of it. I’ve had a lot to overcome these past 7 months and I guess it just has me feeling straight up appreciative. Although her time here was cut far too short, I am blessed to have had such a wonderful mother. A relationship that has blessed me far beyond our physical time together. I also have beautiful healthy children whom I love immeasurably. I am here. I am healthy and I am able to enjoy this day with them. It is a gift. I feel this in my soul. And I simply couldn’t be more thankful.

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day!!!

An unexpected gift …

Last night we celebrated the life of a dear friend and sorority sister. It was an absolutely beautiful memorial service. She blessed the lives of so many. And she will be truly missed.

A few days ago my sorority sisters and I decided to go to dinner after the memorial service. We wanted extra time together to remember our sister, reminisce and reconnect. And that, we did. It was a such a special night.

Although I remain broken-hearted at the loss of my friend, I couldn’t help but look around the banquet room last night and say to her “you did this”. There were women there whom I haven’t seen or heard from in decades. Women who really mattered to me. Women who I loved. It was an incredible feeling being in their presence again.

My friend’s passing has been a great tragedy, but last night I was reminded that death is not the end of a relationship. It simply changes it to move beyond that which is worldly … and it’s beautiful. My friend may not have been with us physically last night but through her influence and inspiration she still managed to give her sorority sisters something precious. Togetherness.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you receive an unexpected gift!!!

Finding peace in my pain … 

I’m still incredibly sad today but it comes in waves now. It’s not easy to lose someone so close to you. I know this. I’ve been through it a few times over now. It’s a process. And it’s tough. Grieving is a reminder of how genuinely you can love someone. And what you lost. The pain is immeasurable. The sadness, so deep. Yet to feel all of this is necessary to gain a sense of a new normal. Things will never be the same and daily we discover how things will now be without our loved one. Some days are better than others. We learn ways to remember them fondly and manage our grief. But we never forget. Not. Ever. All of this discomfort becomes part of the journey that we continue to share with the person that we lost. I find beauty and comfort in knowing this. It becomes a relationship between souls, not people. A connection more profound than one that relies on our humanness to maintain. True love transcends all of that. 

Well, I hope you all have a day where you find peace in your pain!!!

Broken-hearted … 

Last night my dear friend and sorority sister lost her battle with ovarian cancer. She was so strong and brave. She was a warrior and I couldn’t be more proud to call her my sister and friend. Yesterday I was able to see her. I sat next to her holding her precious hand and rubbing her arm. I couldn’t be more grateful to her husband for giving me that time with her. I will cherish every moment we shared and every memory we made; our college days, our long talks, our texts and our silliness and laughter. She was an incredible woman exemplifying what it means to LIVE with cancer. She enjoyed her days, sharing them with family, friends and coworkers. She faced every step of her battle with humor and grace. I miss her so deeply already and I will love her forever.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you aren’t broken-hearted!!!

Groundhog Day and it seems just like yesterday … 

Twenty-tree years ago today my mother passed away. Some years it’s easier to deal with this “anniversary” … others are not. But it’s never a good day. The memories always come flooding back. The pain and sadness that day brought is unusually fresh. How my life was forever changed, vivid. She wasn’t just my mother. She was my best friend, my confidante, a giver of unconditional love, my hero … and she is gone. I miss her and love her as much as I did that day. Probably even more. And it’s horrible. There is a movie called Groundhog Day staring Bill Murray. It came out in 1993, the year before my mother died. It’s about a man who must repeat a particular day in his life (Groundhog Day) until he gets it right. I know how this character must have felt. This day never changes for me either. Except for the part about getting it right. I will never have the ability to make this day right in my heart. Not. Ever.

Well, I hope you all have a day where it seems just like yesterday!!!