Sidney Donna Henry is my oldest daughter. My first born … and all that means to a mom. She was named after my mother, given my mother’s first name as her middle name. It’s truly bonded her to my mom in such a special and unexpected way.
Sidney’s first name came from an odder source. Shortly before I became pregnant with her I had two trips planned. The first to Denver to see one of my best friends from college and the second to North Carolina to see my Ya Ya.
On the trip home from Denver we had an extremely rough flight. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The airplane was bouncing all over the sky. People were sick and crying. It was awful. Thankfully we survived.
Although I vowed never to get on another plane after that, there I was just a few short weeks later armed with a bag full of goodies from a friend to keep me distracted. The bag was filled with children’s toys and coloring books. It was a great idea!
Well, the flight to North Carolina, despite my white knuckles, was flawless … until we tried to land. If you can believe it, we ended up in a holding pattern above a terrible storm. We couldn’t land because it was just too dangerous. Lovely. The pilot said we were in for some serious rough weather and had to remain seated. I was terrified … again.
Well, all I can say is that my bag full of goodies certainly came in handy because it allowed me to become the new BFF of a little girl who was on the flight with me. She was 2 years old. Her mother was very sweet and let her come sit with me and play. We colored and giggled and somehow managed to have a delightful time flying above that menacing storm.
Her name was Sidney.
I thought to myself, that if a child named Sidney could get me to actually have fun in a place I was terrified to be, then having a daughter named Sidney would probably be the best thing I could ever do.
And so … about a year and a half after meeting the first Sidney in my life … I met the second.
When I held my Sidney for the first time and looked at her I knew that in some miraculous way she saved my life. You see, after my mother died I never felt quite right. Of course not! How could I??? But immediately upon holding my Sidney, a healing I never thought could happen … happened. A repair to the mother daughter bond that I never expected occurred in an instant. Although completely different than the bond I shared with my own mother … it just somehow completed the circle that had been broken when my mother died. My life, extremely altered from the death of my mother, was now somehow complete.
I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to put all that into words that justify the feelings. But I gave it a shot.
So, last night my Sid, that baby that changed my life and helped heal my broken heart, went to her Junior Prom. She looked so beautiful. She has become a confident, poised and charming young woman almost ready to take on the world all by herself. All of this brings me a joy I have never known. I would be lying if I said my heart wasn’t breaking just a little too. But I am also excited to share a part of life with Sidney that I didn’t get to with my mother. I’m looking forward to experiencing the friendship that a young woman finds with her mother.
For a long time after my mother died, I couldn’t look at mothers with daughters who were my age. My heart would just ache. But now I realize, that not too far off in the distant future, I’ll be a part of what I couldn’t even bear to see … and THAT simply astonishes to me.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you love and appreciate your amazing daughter!!!
living and running in lala land 