FEELING all the beautiful memories …

It was a quiet morning here. VERY quiet. And I needed it. No one was up early … but me, of course. I knew that would translate into a lot of rushing later but I didn’t care. My kids needed sleep. MY GOSH THEY NEEDED SLEEP. And I needed my moment of holiday calm. I am thankful that each year between parties and performances and late nights and early mornings, I find some time for myself that doesn’t include running shoes, sweat and swearing. This is time I usually find in front of our Christmas tree, under an overly decorated holiday blanket and sipping a seasonal coffee. ALONE. It’s wonderful. It’s needed. It’s what brings the anticipation of Christmas full circle for me. Somewhere between the first sip of my coffee and sunrise a sense of Christmas peace washes over me. I love it. Some years it comes early in the season. Other years, the opportunity comes later. But I don’t ever force it or schedule it. For some reason, I’ve been blessed to have it always come naturally. God is good. He gives me this time when He knows I need it and when I will appreciate it most. It’s honestly a gift.

But this morning was different than years past. Perhaps it’s my age beginning to squeak it’s way into my little tradition. Usually I lose myself in the “calm before the (holiday) storm”, admiring our tree, enjoying my coffee and thankful for the stillness. I guess I did do all of that, but when I looked at our tree I didn’t see a Christmas tree filled with memories. I FELT a Christmas tree filled with memories. What I saw was far greater than just a “decorated” tree … what I saw was a tree that held my family’s history. Ornaments that represented our journey together. I saw marriages, births, deaths, travel, change, laughter, traditions, joy and love! AND I FELT ALL OF IT. I didn’t just see, I FELT. No, this is not merely a Christmas tree we have sitting in our family room. It is some of my most precious life moments celebrated in one very special place … a tree, placed in our home, celebrating our Savior’s birth, who gracefully and graciously gave us the opportunities to share all of those moments together.

The sun rose and bodies started moving. Doors opened and “Good Morning” greetings were spoken. The silence of my little tradition was broken. It is over until next year. And that is OK. I will greet the opportunity, again, like a long lost friend. But this year I will wonder what changed. How did my heart FEEL more clearly the memories held on our tree? Perhaps I will never know. But I do know that I walked away from this experience differently than I usually do. I am more grateful and I am a whole lot more humble. Life is so precious. THIS I KNOW. And this morning I FEEL IT.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you FEEL all your beautiful memories!!!

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Feel what you need to feel …

I am thankful for my early morning workouts. Some days I really need that alone time to reflect on my life and process my thoughts. This might sound strange, but if I need to cry things out I like that no one is there to comfort me. I find that sometimes it’s best for me to be alone with my emotions. And I find that it’s quite therapeutic for me to just BE in that moment and allow the rawness to wash over me. I’m not saying that I don’t need love, support and encouragement during tough times. Trust me, I DO. But I do like the freedom that comes with just letting it all out … alone.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel what you need to feel!!!

It feels like summer …

Today was our first beach day of the season and it did not disappoint. Even now, after the car has been unloaded, laundry started and I have showered I can still feel it. A day at the beach lingers with me both physically and emotionally. It is probably one of the reasons I love this time of year so much. It’s like a blanket of warmth that goes deep into my soul … and it is sooooo good.

Well, I hope you all had a day that felt like summer!!!

Fear and excitement …

It’s race WEEKEND! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I am riddled with emotions. So much so that I used the word RIDDLED in a sentence! I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, HA!But it fits. I AM PIERCED WITH ALL THE FEELS. God bless my sweet friend who has graciously opened her home to me the next two days and has offered to keep me sane. Good Lordy, she has her work cut out for her.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are full of fear and excitement!!!

Love and a loss for words …

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! Words can’t express how much I miss my mom. But in a way that comforts me. It means that I loved and still love that woman HUGE. Sometimes you get lucky enough to experience something in life and you get to just FEEL it. For me it’s the motherly love she filled my life with. I can still feel it. But to describe it, explain its’ influence over me and how I feel about loosing her, is not something I’m capable of. It’s just too big. But I try to express it in different ways like living genuinely, just the way she taught me. And in sharing her legacy of hope every single day and at every opportunity I get. It may be 24 years since her passing but her influence on me, my family and our little world will continue on forever. And that is certainly something to celebrate.

Well, I hope you all have a day where love leaves you at a loss for words!!!

Feeling it …

It has been a long week filled with many ups and downs. But really, what week isn’t? I believe that life is best lived when it is felt with raw emotion. When life happens, good or bad, and we must simply “roll with it”. Those times when we are immobilized by fear and sadness. Or when we are overwhelmed with joy and feelings of being loved. When laughter and tears are experienced without force. All of it, real. Genuine. And perfect for the situation that we find ourselves in. It is in these precious moments that I am most alive. Proof, that I am not missing out on the lessons and gifts that life has for me. I love “owning” it. THIS IS MY LIFE. Ugly or beautiful … I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel it!!!

Demanding better …

It’s not always easy saying how I feel or asking for what I want. I’m sure we all feel that way sometimes. But as I’ve aged and acquired some wisdom (good lord, really?!?) I have come to realize that if I don’t ask for something or express myself honestly I’ll never fit into my current circumstances … OR, MORE IMPORTANTLY … be allowed to outgrow them. Life is ever changing and so are we. What works at one time in our lives might not work at another. And that’s OK. Sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself and with everyone around you and say I want more, or perhaps, something altogether different. Now granted, just because you ask for something doesn’t mean you’ll get it. But you sure feel better just for trying. It takes a little bit fearlessness to got this route, but reminding yourself that you are worth it, makes it a whole lot easier.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you demand better!!!