Finding out who you are …

Over the weekend I found myself at Urgent Care with Reese. Saturday night she presented with some signs and symptoms that seemed vaguely familiar to me. After putting all the pieces together, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Reese has a hernia. Sure enough, my suspicions where right. She was diagnosed with an abdominal hernia, and after seeing her pediatrician yesterday, they suspect that she may also have a small ulcer from stomach acid and the stress she experienced from vomiting so much. This makes everything she has been through the past few weeks finally make sense to me. Which thankfully brings me a lot of peace of mind. Not knowing was very upsetting. But with the learning of this kind of information, actions must follow. This is when being a social worker, with a boatload of medical experience, and a mom all seem to come together perfectly. Or so, this is my hope.

If you ask most people who know me, they will say that I’m a pretty happy and excitable person. But when it comes to stressful situations, I’m calm. Unusually calm. So calm that it often angers my children. They think I’m too “matter-of-fact” sometimes. But I honestly, can’t help it. Usually when I’m presented with a fairly stressful situation I consider the information I am given with objectivity and discernment. I look at all of the facts, tap into my existing knowledge on the topic, research any questions that I may have, develop a plan and go from there. This whole process gives me a feeling of control over seemingly out of control situations. This also pairs nicely with a promise that I made with myself long ago as a way of dealing with some anxiety that I was experiencing. I don’t worry about ANYTHING unless it is literally sitting on a plate in front of me. The bottom line is, for the most part, I can remain rational when most people can’t. But I will tell you that as a parent, having dealt my children’s health issues in the past and as of present, this can become hard. REAL HARD. I am thankful that I can boast a pretty successful track record of “pulling it together” … so far.

I admit that in the past few weeks I have been emotional regarding Reese’s health. Her symptoms have been concerning and I was presented with no solid answers to why she was experiencing them. Well, we had some, but my mama’s instinct said that there was more. And there was. But that period of unknowing really unnerved me. Thankfully, we now know what we are dealing with. And even better, it’s fixable. THANK YOU GOD.

So now it’s time for action and THIS what I’m good at. THIS I can handle.

Today we see the surgeon. It is all happening much faster than I expected. I’ve already done a ton of research on treatment plans and I feel ready for this meeting. Finally KNOWING the UNKNOWN I feel confident again. I want my daughter pain-free, symptom-free and restored to her happy healthy active self. I know that these goals will keep me focused, grounded and driven. And that feels good.

When I earned my MSW in 1995 it was YEARS before Reese was even a thought in my head. Yet it is through her that I have a complete understanding of my being. You see, God knew she was coming. Gracefully and purposely He molded me into exactly what Reese would need to live her best life. He educated me through books and life and love to turn me into the mommy I am today. A mommy full of crazy fierce protective unconditional love for this incredible little girl who has so much to teach the world. Today that mommy and the social worker in me collide (again) and I get the privilege of doing my life’s calling, my purpose, for her. For this amazingly beautiful little soul that God has gifted me with to raise and to love. I can’t help be but humbled by His trust. And grateful. So. So. Grateful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you find out who you are!!!

Feel what you need to feel …

I am thankful for my early morning workouts. Some days I really need that alone time to reflect on my life and process my thoughts. This might sound strange, but if I need to cry things out I like that no one is there to comfort me. I find that sometimes it’s best for me to be alone with my emotions. And I find that it’s quite therapeutic for me to just BE in that moment and allow the rawness to wash over me. I’m not saying that I don’t need love, support and encouragement during tough times. Trust me, I DO. But I do like the freedom that comes with just letting it all out … alone.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel what you need to feel!!!

Some dear childhood friends …

We spent part of our Sunday in Hollywood at El Capitan Theatre seeing Disney’s Christopher Robin. I absolutely LOVED IT. I honestly thought it was perfect. It was like the characters jumped right out of my childhood books and came alive on the screen. They were absolutely adorable and utterly lovable. The movie itself was sweet and funny. It sent a great message about family and friendship and the importance of spending time together. I know I tend to be a little more emotional than most but this film pulled at my heartstrings from the beginning to THE END. So much so that I seriously lost track of how many times I got tearful. Oh, that silly old bear!

Well, I hope you all had a day where you got to spend time with some dear childhood friends!!!

Time changed much but not us …

I work up early this morning, despite being up way too late. The house was quiet and I began feeling a bit nostalgic. I always do this time of year. With summer break ending and the new school year starting in a few weeks I tend to feel similar to how I do on New Years Eve. It’s my time to reflect and I look back on summers past. With two adult children off to college I feel even more emotional than I normally do. And it all came out this morning! I spent much of my early morning looking through old pictures of my kids. I laughed, I cried and I soaked in every wonderful memory. It is like time stood still for a moment, but also flashed by in an instant. It’s all a blur but I remember almost every second of it. It sort of makes me sad yet I also delight in knowing that so much has changed but not the love we share and the memories we keep. They are our constant and they are our story. And they are what makes us … US. I am comforted in knowing that no amount of time or distance can ever change that.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you can say that time changed much but not us!!!

Fear and excitement …

It’s race WEEKEND! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I am riddled with emotions. So much so that I used the word RIDDLED in a sentence! I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, HA!But it fits. I AM PIERCED WITH ALL THE FEELS. God bless my sweet friend who has graciously opened her home to me the next two days and has offered to keep me sane. Good Lordy, she has her work cut out for her.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are full of fear and excitement!!!

Over the top and annoying …

People who exaggerate. Let’s discuss. This topic can go in a lot of different directions. But I’ll just mention a few that I have first hand experience with. 

Exaggerating can be done “naturally” without a person really knowing what they are doing. Like they got caught up in the moment and it just happened. I get that. Emotions happen. No harm, no fowl. I think it’s rather endearing to see someone so excited about something that they exaggerate. And I understand that when someone is hurting (physically or emotionally) perceptions are altered. We all get there. 

Exaggerating can be done on purpose to be funny. I TOTALLY get that. And I think these people may be some of my soulmates. HA! These people crack me the heck up. And as long as everyone they are exposing to this type of exaggeration is “on-board” with this level of humor, I’m all for it. 

Now let’s look at the exaggerating that is done on purpose to gain some sort of sympathy or attention. Ew. I don’t get this. I don’t even want to understand this. I have found that these people will act one way in front of me or others that they are “comfortable” with and in a completely different way in front of other people. Like they realize that under “normal” social conditions that their behavior would be considered unacceptable or would appear odd. Just yesterday I mentioned to someone that perhaps they should not engage in a particular behavior at work that they do in front of me. Their response? “I know.”

Whoa.

If that’s not admitting that they are purposely exaggerating a negative behavior in one setting and not another I don’t know what is. It all just leaves me asking, “WHY?”. I just don’t get it. You can argue that a certain level of “comfort” or “intimacy” must have been reached to allow this level of exaggeration. And that’s a good thing, yes? No. Not. At. All. I look at it as more of entitlement. Like they feel that they can do whatever they want despite how it appears or makes anyone feel. And well … that is just GROSS. REALLY REALLY GROSS. WRONG. TERRIBLE. HORRIBLE. YUCK. NASTY. See what I did there?

Well, I hope you all have a day where you aren’t OVER THE TOP and ANNOYING!!!

An early start (and LOOK, I’m not crying) …

I am so excited that my son George is graduating from high school! This is a nice reprieve from my cry-fest. It’s an emotional roller coaster having your child graduate. At least it is for me. I reacted the same way when Sid graduated two years ago. Ecstatic one minute and crying the next. I was NUTS! And I am NO better this time around. With excitement driving my mental status today I decided that it was a great day to decorate for George’ special day. Graduation isn’t for over a week but I just had to get this celebration started … ya know, until the hysterically sobbing starts again when I think about how my baby boy is all grown up.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get an early start on it!!!