Hell hath no fury like a runner disappointed in themselves …

I did my long run yesterday … and it was horrific. I was looking forward to it and had no reservations about getting it done, but it got ugly. REAL UGLY.

The first six miles were fine. Completely uneventful. But by mile 8 I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. The miles that followed were even worse. The word NASTY describes it about as good as “ice cube” describes an iceberg. Yep, it was THAT BAD. It was honestly one of the toughest training runs I’ve ever had. Don’t get me wrong I have experienced these awful miles before. Some runs just SUCK. And this one SUCKED HUGE.

But as much as I loathe these trying runs, I have also grown to appreciate them. Not at the time, of course! At the time I’m too wrapped up in the misery to see anything good. I wonder why I continue to subject myself to the disappointment. I wonder if my body was ever meant for distance. I berate myself with all sorts of negatives! The appreciation I have for tough runs comes later when I realize that I can suffer greatly and still somehow manage to survive. There is something in this realization that gives me strength. Knowing that I can push myself mind, body and soul is empowering. It’s hell, but it’s empowering!

Thankfully by the next day, the memory of my terrible run fades and I begin to think about my next long run. One that I envision will be better. WAY BETTER. The best part of this is that my mind believes it’s possible. Somehow my feelings of defeat morph into determination. FIERCE determination! And it gets me back out there, HAPPILY, week after grueling training week. To try to explain this roller coaster of emotions and self-inflicted physical torment sounds insane even to me. But I guess that’s why they say runners are crazy, HA!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you can’t wait to do it all over again!!!

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SUPERMOM …

Today is one of those days when I’m not sure one of me is enough. Yesterday round two of cold and flu season hit our home. Sid and Reese are both sick with fevers again. And these fevers are MUCH higher than the first time around. Ugh. This makes week FOUR of someone being sick here. Heck, I’m still not myself and it’s been almost two weeks since I first got sick. This YUCK lingers! On top of two girls down, George is getting his wisdom teeth pulled today. I got out of bed incredibly early to make sure he ate a huge breakfast since he can’t eat 8 hours before his surgery. I know he’s 18 now and could have made his own breakfast but he’s still my son. Moms lose it a little when it comes to the words CHILD and SURGERY. Well, at least I do. So needless to say I made him breakfast. Which was fine because I was awake anyway. I was up most of the night with Reese who was extremely restless. I was happy though, I was finally able to fall asleep for about an hour. YAY! Then it was time to wake up to do Libs’ hair for choir portraits today. She had to be at school early today. Of course she did. OY. But somehow I managed to get her to school UNUSUALLY early with her backpack, tennis bag, choir dress and hair and makeup done. Nothing forgotten! A miracle, if I do say so myself.

At some point today I’m going to cry. I just know it. My guess is when they take George back to have his teeth removed. I’ll have a moment alone and a second to breath. Let’s just hope it’s more tearful rather than blubber-y.

Clearly most of this crazy day piled up by no fault of my own. I scheduled George’s surgery months ago and we just found out about the portraits. And SICK happens whenever it happens. My friends and I joke that when I have a stressful day it’s not like everyone else’s normal scoop of stress. It’s got extra toppings, HA!

Days like this I am in awe that God trusts me so much. When I look in the mirror I see just one small woman. But God has put some major love, tenacity and determination into this little frame of mine. He’s packed me with everything I need to get through days like this. And I’m grateful. So, so grateful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel like SUPERMOM!!!

Dare to dream …

I can’t stop. Life cannot beat it out of me. I think it comes close sometimes but then miraculously my heart is always restored. My spirit cannot be crushed. People have tried. Situations that should have broken me, didn’t. I don’t know what to call it. Resilience? Hope? Determination? I know this is a gift. I value it. And I will NEVER EVER take it for granted.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you dare to keep on dreaming!!!

Try … 

I think it was Yoda (yes, I typed “Yoda”) who said, “There is no try, only do.” It was him or some other fairly important person who said that … um … or something like that. I’m just too lazy today to Google who it was and what they actually said. HA!

Anyway, I do like that saying … but… I think there is something to be said about TRYING. Don’t get me wrong, DOING is certainly important. Let’s face it, unless you start DOING something nothing will ever get DONE. And we all know that DONE is great.

But if you think about it the most important part of getting things DONE is at the very beginning of the process when you must first TRY. Nothing gets DONE, unless someone choses to TRY to get it DONE in the first place. And that TRYING can get pretty precarious. First it requires a certain amount of courage and a willingness to fail miserably. Over. And over. Again. Humility is part of TRYING … trust me on that one. TRYING can be ROUGH. And multiple failures is quite honestly the definition of SUCKINESS in a nutshell. I am pretty sure that’s in the dictionary, HA again!

But failure often sparks HOPE and DETERMINATION (oooo, I really like those things). And that ultimately is what gets things DONE. My point is that without TRYING there can never be any DOING or … um … DONE-ING. TRYING is good. And I really hope I didn’t confuse anyone. HA again (again)!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t underestimate the importance of TRYING!!!

Tennis, P90X and one proud mom … 

Some days my kiddos just impress the heck out of me. Today G3 started P90X all on his own and Libs tackled her first day of tennis camp in this crazy heat. Neither tasks were easy to accomplish but they did it! Even after feeling the magnitude of the challenges they have chosen to tackle, both kids still remain eager to keep with their summer fitness goals. Gotta love their determination!

Well, I hope you all have day where you are proud!!!

More determined than ever … 

Ever get the feeling that all negative forces are working against you, to keep you from doing something that you are being called to do??? When obstacle and obstruction seem to meet you everywhere you turn and for absolutely no reason at all.

Yet.

You are drawn to keep moving forward. Ignoring the “signs” and all of your fears and anxieties because your gut tells you that there is something more important waiting for you.

Yep. Me and race day. One week from tomorrow. And nothing or no one will stop me from being there and finishing that race. Not after all I have done to get there. And that is a promise.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are more determined than ever!!!

I’m hanging in there … 

I was super excited to get out and run this morning. It was my first long run in three weeks. I wasn’t worried too much about my endurance, but I was really curious to see how my foot held up. Luckily long runs during marathon training are more about building endurance than they are speed. Training schedules give you a pretty wide pace range for long run days that keep you in the “running” for your desired marathon pace come race day. And trust me, I have those paces ingrained in my memory, like they were burned there with a cattle prod, HA!

Anyway, I had two pretty decent runs this week and I was hoping for a long run to go with it. But I wasn’t going to do anything crazy either. The run was going to be driven by foot, not by my stubbornness. I still have one spot on the top of my foot that is sore if I push on it. I know. Don’t push on it. But I can’t help it. It also lies right along my shoelace line. Which doesn’t help the soreness factor one bit. But other than a little stiffness, my foot has felt pretty good.

So I woke up early and got out there. My first 6 miles went exactly how I had hoped they would go. Easy. And at a pace I was pleased with. My last 4 miles I decided to take much easier. My foot was tired. I hadn’t run 10 miles in three weeks, and my foot was beginning to feel it. So I listened to my body and slowed down. I said PHOOEY to the paces stuck in my head and just ran what felt most comfortable to my foot. This is huge for me. HUGE.

I would be lying if I said that running the Twin Cities Marathon didn’t have a huge emotional tug on my heart. It does. Yes, all marathons do, but this one is at the top of my list. But as I ran today, struggling with my demons of self doubt, I realized how happy this whole process makes me. Running at my best, or at my worst, I am still running. And no matter how long it’s taking me, each race, each mile, each step, is moving closer to the goals I have made for myself. I am living … and it truly is a life beyond my wildest dreams.

Just as I slowed down my pace this morning the skies opened up and it started to rain. It was not just beautiful but it was also like a redemption. Washing away my self doubt and replacing it with even more determination. I’m in this thing. I am not letting go of my dreams. And no matter how long it takes me … I WILL achieve them.

The funniest thing about my run today is that I still somehow managed to finish within the pace range set for my goal time on race day. I’m not sure how, but I did. Go figure.

Situations like this ALWAYS remind me that the lessons I learn running rarely have anything to do with running itself. They are lessons about life, and patience and learning how to become more of the person I was meant to be. Yep. It’s a process … and one I plan on sticking with until the very end.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you hang in there!!!