Here goes nothing …

Have you ever been so excited you wanted to SQUEAK?!?! Or is that just a girl thing? Oh wait … is that just a me thing? HA!

Anyway, a few weeks ago I was feeling pretty poopy. I had a fairly unpleasant experience and I got knocked down pretty hard. Again. But as time passed, things changed and friends and family rallied, I was able to make some decisions that really have made me quite happy. I’ve put myself on some new roads. On which I am TOTALLY clueless. EEEK! But ya know what? That’s OK. I’m figuring things out and it’s kind of exciting. Um … at least on days I’m not completely overwhelmed. OY!

This is quite a journey for me. HUGE and kinda scary at times. And it won’t be over anytime soon. But I’m OK with that. I’m ready and determined. I’ve adopted an attitude where trying means courage to me. Failure is a fixable. And happiness is worth the risk.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you say HERE GOES NOTHING!!!

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Warrior friends …

Change is scary. New adventures require a lot of courage and a ton of self confidence. Or at least a strong ability to fake both, HA! I think faith is HUGE is these circumstances too. But another awesome thing to have when you are tackling something new are warrior friends. Not just regular friends. These are the friends who want what you want, just as badly as you do. They have your back. They give you advice. They are honest whether you want them to be or not. Yep, warrior friends. They help you find your brave.

Well, I hope you all have a day where some amazing people believe in you!!!

Complete …

Sid came home from college today. I can’t believe how good it feels to have her back. My heart and soul are at peace. This is how my life feels most right. We are all together again and I feel a sense of relief.

THEY say that when you have children they become a physical extension of you. That your heart is literally walking around outside of your body. I agree, that this is spot on. I have not felt right since the day we left Sidney at school in August. I have missed her. I have felt “off” and like things are not the way they should be. It’s like a piece of me went missing.

I’ve been told that over time, these feelings get better. That their absence gets more tolerable. That life between their visits becomes more normal as the years pass. And although I see glimpses of this now, I am in no way near living in that state full time. I miss my daughter horribly. Every. Single. Day.

Trust be told, I’m OK never accepting that life as we knew it is no longer. Why? Because relationships this powerful deserve the respect of our true feelings. Loving so genuinely comes with a process, and on some levels that means feeling grief. Grief is something I learned to make peace with long ago. And in this particular situation, I find comfort in knowing that my grief stems from something wonderful. My baby girl, out there, chasing her dreams and becoming the woman she wants to be. There is a beauty in that. It makes her absence acceptable. Understandable. And as a mother, it is everything I could ever want for her.

That being said, today, with her here, all is right in my world. Balance has been restored. That part of me that was missing has been found. I feel whole again. And I simply couldn’t be happier.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel complete!!!

Never forget …

If you ask someone who was born in New York and has lived everywhere else virtually since birth, my guess is that they will always consider themselves a New Yorker first. No matter how many years they lived somewhere else, New York probably holds a big enough place in their hearts to keep that standing. I know, because I am one of them. Most people cannot even begin to understand this on a normal day … but on September 11, 2001 the world understood. That day we all became New Yorkers with a pride in our country like we had not seen in decades.

New York was once the main entrance into our country. Our ancestors who immigrated here felt pride in becoming part of a land filled with so much potential. Our melting pot was full of hope. And out of the ashes of the terrorist attacks on 9/11 I believe some of that hope and pride was found again.

Sid and G3 had just started pre-school so I had called my old employer to see if she had any contracts to keep me busy. Thankfully she did. I never let the kids watch television before school and it had been an unusually busy morning so I never turned my car stereo on and was just enjoying the silence on my drive into the hospital. I was almost there when I received a call from my husband. He must have immediately realized I was clueless. He then asked, “Do you know if your aunt is working in the city today?” I said I didn’t, and then I asked why.

I spent the next few hours trying to find my aunt. Thankfully she was at her other home in North Carolina. I checked on Sid and G3 who were safe, so I continued on to the hospital after my husband’s call. I think I was in shock just like the rest of the world. It took me months to be able to actually watch footage of the towers fall. I couldn’t bear to watch it in it’s entirety. It was just too much for me.

As scared and confused as I felt that day, I also felt a fierce and passionate need to do my part. To be an American and do whatever my country called me to do. So many heroes acted without question that day. From ground zero to little towns across the country. We did what we needed to, and did so naturally. We just, did.

We had bomb threats at our hospital and were asked several times to go through patients rooms looking for suspicious packages. What? Social workers looking for bombs?!?! As crazy as that seems to me now, it didn’t then. I’m not even sure any of us would have known what something suspicious would have looked like, but we all tried anyway. Again, we just, did.

I look back at that day and remember the terror and uncertainty that literally everyone in our country was feeling. But I also remember how brave and proud we all felt at the same time too. We. All of us. Coming together to be whatever our country needed us to be. WOW. We weren’t looking for compensation. We didn’t see what was “in it” for us first. It was not selfish or self driven. And no matter how big or how small the act we performed was, we knew it was for the betterment of all. There was no selfishness in that day. We just, did.

In all of my adult life I don’t think I’ve ever heard as much complaining about our country as I do today. I’m not writing today to get into a political rant either. I don’t ever go there. But I will say this.

We need to stop complaining so much. Despite our problems, I am pretty sure none of us would want to give up our citizenship and go live somewhere else. And we need to remember that … especially today.

I look at it as down right disrespectful to our troops to keep complaining without action. They are literally giving up their lives so we can sit back and complain about how bad it is here. WHAT THE HECK?!?!

If you want to change something go join a HEALTHY NORMAL PEACEFUL LAW ABIDING group who’s mission is to facilitate positive change in our country. Go to rallies. VOTE. Heck, stuff envelopes for an organization that supports the changes you want to see. But please, STOP sitting on your butts complaining on your social media page about how bad things are. I’m not saying to stop expressing your opinions … but coupling that with some action, may actually make a difference. Get up … and do.

Thirteen years ago today our country was attacked my terrorists. As a result, our world has never been the same again. Virtually everyone came together to do their part that day. We stood together. Heroes were made, and sadly, many were lost. That day in our country’s history we just, DID. Without question or complaint and without promise of reward. We acted like Americans should.

Let’s honor the memory of that day and of our fallen heroes … by always remembering to, selflessly and honorably … do …

Well, I hope you all have a day where you NEVER FORGET!!!

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