I have chosen to keep a pretty darn positive attitude regarding my foot. And up until this morning, I had not wavered from it.
I’m going to tell you a little secret. It IS NOT easy to try to see that everything will turn out fine. That things have a way of working themselves out. To have faith in learning and life. I CHOOSE to think this way. From an outsider’s perspective I’m sure I look a little nuts. Heck, I have even been asked (quite a few times) if my outlook comes from good meds! Nope outsiders, I don’t do drugs and I’m not crazy. Accept it, this is just how I roll.
But I am human. And today I just about had a hysterical sobbing fit in the parking lot of my CLOSED gym.
Over the past 17 years of having children my training or working out has been done while they are asleep or in school. There are some occasions when they are with me too, like when I used to do my miles on the beach with Libs when she was a baby. Or now, when we go to yoga together. I just never felt right about taking time away from them to get it all done. I supposed “mother guilt” drives that. But to avoid it, I often wake up at “undead” hours of the morning. I am a pretty motivated person when it comes to this stuff, so it hasn’t bothered me. I love the quiet of the early morning. I have enjoyed more sunrises that I could ever count. And that feeling of replenished “me” sets the tone for the rest of my day.
Anyway, because of summer schedules and my foot, I have been very much out of my routine. And I HATE it. But now that all is settled (for a few weeks at least) I was excited to have today be my first early long cycling session at the gym.
When my alarm went off this morning I was up and at it! I practically flew out the door I was so excited. But when I got to the gym the parking lot was completely empty … and my heart sank. With the changing of my running miles to cycling miles I am dependent on my gym. I was told I can cycle but only on a recumbent bike and the gym is my only option.
However, it never occurred to me that I have not been to my gym on a Saturday. NOT ONCE since I have joined. I am always out doing my long runs on Saturday. But boy oh boy, did I realized it this morning! I couldn’t believe that all the times I have been there at 5 a.m. have been on a weekday. Who knew?!?! Definitely NOT ME.
So I sat there in my car for a few minutes. First, utterly frustrated at myself. Then, overwhelmed with the thoughts of having to modify my training days (AGAIN) to get these longer “rides” in. And then finally, a sadness washed over me.
I wanted to run.
I just wanted to be able to go back to my early morning runs. To throw on my running shoes and be out the door. To do what I love, and have it be THAT easy again.
As I sat there feeling badly for myself, I thought that maybe this was THE SIGN. The one that tells me to just give up. To forget Twin Cities. TO MOVE ON. To find another race, another place, another time. But I just couldn’t remain in those thoughts.
I guess I have trained my mind and my heart to think and feel differently. Maybe it’s just part of my chemical make up. But I looked in the seat beside me. My walking boot with my earbuds, armband, water and towel. And I realized … there is a lesson here. There is value in this setback. Amongst all that STUFF and all my emotions, there is something in what happened to me that I must learn from. Perhaps mastering the two steps outside my front door should be at the top of that list, HA!
So, I took a deep breath, drove home, climbed back into bed and got some extra rest.
I have to be honest with you, I’m not sure what lessons I’m learning with this one. I almost wish my injury came from overtraining and not tweaking my foot the wrong way stepping off my porch. I could wrap my head around an injury that came from one too many long runs. This one, has me baffled. But that’s OK, because I am willing to figure it all out … and continue to do as I do … gratefully.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are thankful to have to TRY TRY AGAIN!!!