Happy in my skin …

Wouldn’t it be great if every time we looked in the mirror we loved what we saw? And I don’t mean just our faces. I mean EVERYTHING physically.

Why do I ask this? I went to the dermatologist today. I love my dermatologist but I absolutely hate that appointment. Probably more than any other doctor’s appointment I drag myself to. My dad died of melanoma and I have a lot of sun damage from sunburns I had as a child. These have lead to years of freezings (OUCH) and one biopsy (HOLY OUCH). On top of all of that you strip down to your undies and for about 30 minutes you get to search your entire body for all of your skin flaws. FUN … NOT.

Needless to say, I REALLY don’t like going and when I do my anxiety is astronomical. It’s so bad that even my normal blood pressure skyrockets when I go. NO JOKE. It’s noted in my chart that I have to have it checked because it’s always so high when I first arrive. Thankfully it usually normalizes before I leave. But still, I am THAT anxious! Anyway, all that being said I couldn’t be more thankful for such a great doctor. She’s thorough and compassionate and really hears me when I talk to her. It is a blessing to have access to such great care and I will never take it for granted.

So back to what I started with. Wouldn’t it be great if we loved what we saw when we looked in the mirror? ALL. OF. IT. Bumps, bruises, scars, ripples, dimples, you name it! EVERY perfect imperfection! And unless you figured out a way to airbrush your humanness, we ALL have them! So why then, if we all have them can’t we learn to love them? You read that right! Learn to love our bodies just the way they are. Hmmmm.

Sure, days like today are harder for me to do that. REAL HARD. Good Lordy, can you blame me?!?! I spent the morning focusing on what is wrong with my skin. Ugh. I truly LOVE the idea of LOVING what I see. And I’m going to work more on this. I am turning 50 in July and I want to embrace the changes I see happening in my body. I want to accept them as part of my life story. This incredible body has been through and survived a lot! And it has gifted me with so much joy! It deserves my love and respect until my last breath. I want to love myself in this time of my life, inside and out. And I think I just might be on the right path. This morning after yoga, a long walk and 15 minutes of breathing techniques I arrived at my doctor’s appointment … and for the first time in YEARS I had a NORMAL blood pressure! GO ALMOST 50 YEAR OLD ME!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel happy in your skin!!!

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Happily falling apart …

Most people who know me would say that I hold it together unusually well during times of stress and change. I deal with things straightforward. What’s on my plate that day, gets my effort and attention. When I was younger I was a worry wart. I was anxious about EVERYTHING. That all faded away. Now I save my efforts for the real stuff and even then I remain pretty calm. And optimistic. It drives my crew crazy sometimes. I think they want to see more “emotion” out of me. Trust me, I am one emotional woman. I’m a crier. I laugh at just about everything. And I’m usually the happiest person in the room. But when it comes to stressful situations or change I just gave up freaking out about them. It’s way easier to just deal with them. In a “matter-of-fact” kind of way I muddle through the tough times. I do make a TON of lists. They tend to keep me focused. Plus they are a great visual for me to measure my progress through the problem or situation I’m currently in the thick of.

Regardless of what I’ve been dealing with, when the day comes when I feel like I am finally passed it, I tend to fall apart. I’ll cry more, sleep like a rock and sometimes I get sick. It’s like my mind and body can finally let their defenses down. It’s funny. Even though this is when I feel like a mess, it’s also a time when I feel my strongest. It’s like earning another battle scar. And it’s a reminder that I am a survivor. Again.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you happily fall apart!!!

Unsettled …

Maybe I’m just a really anxious person, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being a passenger in a car where my child is the driver. Being driven around by a person who I personally fastened into their infant car seat and carrier is just a little freaky in my opinion.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you don’t feel unsettled!!!

Get over it … 

Reese has a bit of a cold. It’s hardly anything but then last night she started coughing. Not a horrible cough but it kept her up and restless for about 2 hours. I’m not sure about other parents but once a cough enters the picture, I freak out. Honestly Reese doesn’t even have a fever and last night you would have thought I had lost my mind. I ended up sleeping the rest of the night with her in her bed, jumping at her every movement and checking her countless times to see if she had a fever. Perhaps I’m suffering from a little PTSD from all her sick months prior to her tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy last March. That was such a rough time! But she has been so healthy since then, it’s such a blessing! In the midst of acting like a crazy woman last night, I realized that I really do need to calm the heck down. Good lordy.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you get over it!!!

My sanity is on hiatus …

Reese is sick today and it’s not a mild version either. She is pretty darn sick. Me no likey.

I don’t know about all the other parents out there, but when my kids are sick, it can literally suck the mental health right out of me. The worry is down right unsettling. I become no where near “of sound mind” and feel more like “of crazy anxious mind”. I don’t have my “wits about me”. And my marbles are long gone.

Well, I hope you all have a day where your sanity didn’t go on hiatus!!!

Climbing out of my skin …

I must have had too much caffeine this morning because I was anxious all day. On top of that, Thursday is usually the busiest day of my week, but today it was EXTRA busy. So needless to say, my heart racing, teeth clinching, jitteriness and generalized impatience was just a down right unpleasant addition.

Not. Fun.

But now I can take a deep breath, enjoy my tea, and be thankful this beast of a day is over … and if all goes well tonight, I’m pretty sure I’ll get another one tomorrow, to do better.

Well, I hope you all had a day where you didn’t feel like climbing out of your own skin!!!