I’m back and happy about it …

I took a few months off from writing. Well, I guess I was still writing just not the way I usually do and I didn’t publish anything. It’s the longest break I’ve taken away from my blog since I started it. And although a break was much needed, I did miss it terribly. This blog has very much become a part of me. The daily hope and silliness I seek to write when I am “here” is so valuable to me. It’s a habit that is now hard to break. And that is very good thing.

This summer was all about possibilities, opportunities and change. So I guess I just felt I needed to give myself some time to feel it, figure it out and to grow with it. To put it mildly we have had A LOT going on over here. For starters, I took and completed an herbal apothecary class that I needed to keep up my Nutrition and Wellness Consultant Certification. I absolutely loved the class. I learned SO MUCH. I couldn’t wait to personally add and implement the things I learned into my lifestyle. It definitely took up a chunk of my time but it was well worth it!

We also had a busy summer getting my son, George, ready for his year abroad. He left for Europe a few weeks ago and he’s settled into his dorm now. He’s enjoying the language and cultural summer program he’s enrolled in and will start his university classes in a few weeks. He has made some nice friends and has been able to do some day trips already. I am so happy for him! But as wonderful as all of this is for him, it’s been really hard on this mama’s heart too. I miss him HUGE and the worry is like NO OTHER. But like I always say, there is nothing more beautiful than watching your child chase their dreams. BIG SIGH.

Our summer wasn’t going to be complete without a few visits from my oldest daughter, Sidney. Luckily she had some time before her summer classes started to hang out with us. She lives in the Bay Area full time now and when she visits it’s always a whirlwind. We pack so much in when she is here that it’s shocking. I need at least week to recover when she leaves, HA!

Anyway, we also took a few small local trips for fun and a big trip back East to do some college visits for Libs. That is another season that we are in … again. This is my third senior year as a mom. It’s a time filled with an abundance of heartbreaking LASTS and exciting FIRSTS. Libs has a lot on her plate with school, tennis and performances this next academic year. I hope that she enjoys this time and savors every moment. I know that I will. History reminds me that this will also be an incredibly busy and unpredictable season with the completion of college applications, acceptance letters and decisions to be made. It’s a roller coaster to say the least. Libs has worked hard (this may be the biggest understatement I’ve ever written) to open doors for herself. Now I put my faith in God to decide what doors He will allow her to walk through. As a mom I’m ready for whatever opportunities come her way and I trust that God’s plan for Lib’s future will be good and that she will end up exactly where she needs to be.

On top of all of that I had some big decisions to make this summer about Reese’s schooling. At times, schooling for my typical children was hard to maneuver through, but having a child with special needs, I find that I put a whole different level of pressure on myself. I am so worried about making a mistake. This little girl deserves the best. MY BEST. I am her voice and I am her advocate. Responsibilities that I do not take lightly. As a social worker I typically feel like I know my stuff. I confidently move forward with my decisions once I think I have finally done enough research and had enough meetings and consultations to make the best ones for her. It’s getting to that point that makes for a stressful process. It took months to work out, but plans are set for the next three years and I feel good about them. Thank god.

So between ALL of that, birthdays, holidays and LIFE, I felt that my focus was needed elsewhere. And a lot of elsewhere-s at that! But as usual I severely underestimated my need to write daily. Be it a brief blog entry or a long journal entry, I need it. Writing is the creative outlet that nurtures my brain and my heart equally. I forget how much I process my world and my experiences through writing. And along with running and yoga I find that it’s part of what keeps me happy, healthy, growing and thriving.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you are back doing what you love!!!

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Starting early …

I don’t care if Summer officially starts next week. With George home from college already, Sid coming home this week too and Libs and Reese’s last day of school on Thursday, I am officially claiming that Summer has started TODAY. Woo HOO!!!

Well, I hope you all have a day where you start early!!!

You can make it to the finish …

My kids are BUSY. There are a lot of them. And they are heading in all sorts of directions. Libs and Reese have one more week of school left. THANK GOD. Libs had her Farewell Concert last night and her choir banquet is tonight. After that it’s JUST finals. For the record, when finals are used in correlation with the word “just” you know it’s been a heck of a school year. Despite there only being a week left, we still have a lot to work out too. UGH. I have some issues to deal with regarding Reese’s school plan for next year. Along with that I am helping George maneuver through the study abroad program. THAT is a DOOZY. So needless to say, the end of this school year has kicked my mom butt. I keep telling myself it will all be over soon. Which is actually what I tell myself on practically every run and race I’ve ever completed. HA! Anyway, the difference a mere seven days will make is honestly astonishing. School will be out, we will have lots of answers to our questions and Sid will be home. I simply can’t wait.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you make it to the finish!!!

My heart is full …

Both my “little” girls had a rough day today. Libs is OVER school, testing and college prep. And I don’t blame her! She definitely needed a BIG mama hug when I picked her up from school. My poor Reese fell twice today. She is not clumsy so when she falls it can really upset her. Falling twice had her in tears the second she saw me at the school gate. My poor baby! My heart hurts for both of them them. But today I was also reminded of what all these rough childhood days can lead to. Like seeing both my BIG kids out there adult-ing like champs today. Trust me, Sid and George had their fair share of rough childhood days too but to see them now, you would never know it. They are so ADULT-ISH. HA! I admit that the cuddles and snuggles that this momma gets to give and get from her “Littles” on yucky days like this can’t be beat. But neither can the joy I feel watching my older kids spread their wings and fly. Today reminds me that EVERY season in life has its ups and downs, but if you push through and lean on the ones who love you then there will be brighter days ahead. I also am reminded of how much love I have in my life. Not just to give, but also what I get back. I’m blessed and so incredibly thankful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where your heart is full!!!

Peace of mind (ain’t happening around here today) …

As a parent, you worry. I am pretty sure that my kids think that I worry more than the average mom. I tell them, JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE CHILDREN! Anyway, early this morning Sidney headed back to college … in her new car. Although I’m extremely thankful that she has a new and reliable car, that drive back to school still gets me. She’s got over 6 hours of driving ahead of her. Not including breaks. And that just makes me nervous. I am not sure if I’ll ever get UN-nervous about things like this. Again, I worry. A LOT. And I LOVE my kids A TON. So today I’m just going to try to keep myself busy and not check her location 473 times. I’ll try to keep that to about 307. HA and UGH.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you find some peace of mind!!!

Home for the holidays (in heart, mind, body and soul) …

My son, George, came home from college last night. I am so happy! Although Sid won’t be making it home this year and our house won’t be as full this holiday season as it has been in the past, I have a hard time feeling bad for myself. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years it’s that TIME is precious and HOME can very much so be a feeling or a state of mind. Again, change will always bring this MOM heart of mine a little bit of sorrow and a whole lot of joy. The process of growing and letting go, as a part of motherhood, is something that I suspect will challenge me for the rest of my life. But I can’t deny that regardless of proximity my heart is full knowing that the people I love most are where life has taken them. I know that they are where they feel they need to be. And THAT is beautiful.

Well, I hope you all have a day where you return HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (whether it be in heart, mind, body or soul)!!!

The same but different …

My son George headed back to his university this morning. I absolutely love it when he is home. Before he graduated from high school we would have daily talks. At some point almost every afternoon I would make my way to his room and plop down on his couch for our talk. Out of all the things that I miss about this kid when he is at school, that is what I miss the most. Sure, we text, talk on the phone and FaceTime, but it’s not the same.

This holiday week was a busy one for us and although George and I found plenty of time to have our talks and hang out, I never made it to the couch where our talks usually took place. We laughed a little bit about my rigidity on this one since I literally talked his ear off all week. He is SO patient with me! HA! Anyway, we did have our talks this week and we spent lots of time together, but there is a part of me that will always remember a simpler time. A time when he was just a knock on the door away. I miss those days, but I am finding that lately I embrace the changes easier knowing how happy he is with his life. THIS could quite possibly be the most comforting thing I’ve felt as a mother. When your child is happy, nothing else seems to matter. At least that is how I feel.

This morning I got up and made one of George’s favorite breakfasts, Eggs Benedict. We were busy trying to get him out the door with packing and loading his car. But I just had to do it. I made my way to his room and plopped down on his couch. We talked briefly, but he completely understood that I needed a moment there. I had to claim a little of our past together in the midst of his beautiful NOW and on the verge of his incredible future. I can accept all the change that has happened and all the change coming, but the mom in me will still steal a glimpse of his childhood every chance I get.

Well, I hope you all have a day that is the same but different!!!