My son, George, came home from college last night. I am so happy! Although Sid won’t be making it home this year and our house won’t be as full this holiday season as it has been in the past, I have a hard time feeling bad for myself. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years it’s that TIME is precious and HOME can very much so be a feeling or a state of mind. Again, change will always bring this MOM heart of mine a little bit of sorrow and a whole lot of joy. The process of growing and letting go, as a part of motherhood, is something that I suspect will challenge me for the rest of my life. But I can’t deny that regardless of proximity my heart is full knowing that the people I love most are where life has taken them. I know that they are where they feel they need to be. And THAT is beautiful.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you return HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (whether it be in heart, mind, body or soul)!!!
My son George headed back to his university this morning. I absolutely love it when he is home. Before he graduated from high school we would have daily talks. At some point almost every afternoon I would make my way to his room and plop down on his couch for our talk. Out of all the things that I miss about this kid when he is at school, that is what I miss the most. Sure, we text, talk on the phone and FaceTime, but it’s not the same.
This holiday week was a busy one for us and although George and I found plenty of time to have our talks and hang out, I never made it to the couch where our talks usually took place. We laughed a little bit about my rigidity on this one since I literally talked his ear off all week. He is SO patient with me! HA! Anyway, we did have our talks this week and we spent lots of time together, but there is a part of me that will always remember a simpler time. A time when he was just a knock on the door away. I miss those days, but I am finding that lately I embrace the changes easier knowing how happy he is with his life. THIS could quite possibly be the most comforting thing I’ve felt as a mother. When your child is happy, nothing else seems to matter. At least that is how I feel.
This morning I got up and made one of George’s favorite breakfasts, Eggs Benedict. We were busy trying to get him out the door with packing and loading his car. But I just had to do it. I made my way to his room and plopped down on his couch. We talked briefly, but he completely understood that I needed a moment there. I had to claim a little of our past together in the midst of his beautiful NOW and on the verge of his incredible future. I can accept all the change that has happened and all the change coming, but the mom in me will still steal a glimpse of his childhood every chance I get.
Well, I hope you all have a day that is the same but different!!!
I ALWAYS miss Sid and George when they are off at college, but Sunday mornings are worse. WAY WORSE. Our house is far more quiet than it normally is and there are less people to cook breakfast for. I guess it’s like that all week when they are gone, but Sunday, it all just seems to effect me more. BIG SIGH. It might sound silly, but when I feel down like this I drink my coffee out of one of the Northern California mugs that they have given me. It somehow makes me feel closer to them … and THAT makes me happy.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you make yourself feel better!!!
I am a little behind getting Sid and George’s college care packages in the mail this month. I like to get them out around the first of the month but that didn’t happen. I have always made Sid’s college care packages but last year I found a company that provided a year full of care packages and they handled EVERYTHING! So I decided to give them a try for George. They sent out GREAT baskets full of treats that were scheduled for delivery about once a month. They hit all the major stuff too, with a welcome box, holiday boxes, finals boxes and even one that got sent “out of the blue”. Each was delivered with a handwritten card that I submitted with my order. I loved the idea! And I really thought the cost was reasonable. But here’s the kicker … while I have absolutely no complaints about the company itself, I still HATED IT! I missed sending personalized packages so much! So this year I am back to making them all myself. And I’m loving it! Today I completed almost three months of care packages, minus the perishable foods, plus a special treat for midterms and finals. I am on a roll! And although my packages aren’t going to be as timely or as elaborate as the ones I can order, they are going to be sent with something that I think is going to make them much better.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you send a whole lotta love!!!
Sid left very early this morning to return to school. With George already at school that leaves just Libs and Reese at home. The whole house sounds and feels different. It looks different too. Inside is a stark aftermath of a busy summer. Outside looks almost barren with the lack of cars. The changes are almost disorienting. After coming home from moving Sid into her dorms her freshman year a friend of mine came over to visit me. She said that she was shocked by the energy change in our home. And I couldn’t agree with her more. I was struck at that very moment with a true understanding of what it meant when people say “making your house a home”. I had always lived that way but it was such a different way to experience those feelings. Our house is a living breathing thing because of the souls who both live and visit here. They are the ones who make it a home. And the changes I see and feel around here are because of the love I feel for them. Do I wish that they were always here? Yes. A million times, yes. But I also love the things that this house has become because of their absence. Adulthood comes with new challenges and new sources of joy. This is now the place where they return to share all of that with me. I am comforted knowing that this house is a place that, no matter where life takes them, will always be their home. It is their safe haven in tough times and a place to celebrate all the good. A place that they can always count on to receive unconditional love.
We are considering a big move in the next two years and my thoughts have been drawn to our future house. Where will it be? What will it look like? It’s a bit anxiety provoking with all the unknowns. But then I remember that it really doesn’t matter where the house will be or what it will look like. That house will be filled with everything this house is and more. Undoubtedly our family will grow with marriages and grandchildren. I simply can’t wait for those kind of wonderful changes! Those kind of blessings sure makes all the growing pains that I feel now seem trivial. And when I get past all my wild emotions, deep down I know that our new house will become a home with a familiar story to tell. The story of a family who’s love, history, adventures and traditions make their house a home.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you are down to two!!!
I work up early this morning, despite being up way too late. The house was quiet and I began feeling a bit nostalgic. I always do this time of year. With summer break ending and the new school year starting in a few weeks I tend to feel similar to how I do on New Years Eve. It’s my time to reflect and I look back on summers past. With two adult children off to college I feel even more emotional than I normally do. And it all came out this morning! I spent much of my early morning looking through old pictures of my kids. I laughed, I cried and I soaked in every wonderful memory. It is like time stood still for a moment, but also flashed by in an instant. It’s all a blur but I remember almost every second of it. It sort of makes me sad yet I also delight in knowing that so much has changed but not the love we share and the memories we keep. They are our constant and they are our story. And they are what makes us … US. I am comforted in knowing that no amount of time or distance can ever change that.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you can say that time changed much but not us!!!
Having four children, and one with special needs, comes with an incredible amount of responsibility. Even with two adult children now, life can often seem like it’s pulling me in every direction possible. Maybe even in some directions not yet discovered by scientists and mathematicians, HA! I am constantly doing something for someone or planning something that needs to be (or someone wants to be) done. I am their GO-TO person for problem-solving and … cash. HA, again! We share long talks late at night and I receive ugly early morning wake up calls. I have event alerts on my phone for us along with calendars (TWO) posted in our kitchen to keep us organized. Every night I review my To-Do List for the next day. It is usually filled with things that they need help with. I am available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for them. Until I die. And even then, l’m sure that I’ll figure out a way to still stay involved. HA, again again!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. Actually, I feel like I’m bragging.
Because my kids are incredible human beings. They are thoughtful, kind, loving, responsible and driven. And they LOVE and NEED me. To be LOVED is wonderful. To be NEEDED magnifies love 10-fold. Heck, 1,000,000-fold. Is that even a thing?!?! Regardless, my heart is full. My life is blessed, SO BLESSED, because of these humans who I love beyond measure. It may sound exhausting, and honestly some days it is, but I wouldn’t trade this life with them for anything. I love that they still need me. That they choose to make me THAT person. Because really, they don’t have to. They can turn to friends and other family members who would be there for them just as readily as I am. But they go to me. Their mom. And well, I don’t think there has ever been anything in my life that has been quite so rewarding and humbling. I thank God every day for them and the privilege of being their mom. And all the duties and responsibilities that go with it and that I take on. It’s an honor. Truly.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel LOVED and NEEDED!!!