Sid came home from college today. I can’t believe how good it feels to have her back. My heart and soul are at peace. This is how my life feels most right. We are all together again and I feel a sense of relief.
THEY say that when you have children they become a physical extension of you. That your heart is literally walking around outside of your body. I agree, that this is spot on. I have not felt right since the day we left Sidney at school in August. I have missed her. I have felt “off” and like things are not the way they should be. It’s like a piece of me went missing.
I’ve been told that over time, these feelings get better. That their absence gets more tolerable. That life between their visits becomes more normal as the years pass. And although I see glimpses of this now, I am in no way near living in that state full time. I miss my daughter horribly. Every. Single. Day.
Trust be told, I’m OK never accepting that life as we knew it is no longer. Why? Because relationships this powerful deserve the respect of our true feelings. Loving so genuinely comes with a process, and on some levels that means feeling grief. Grief is something I learned to make peace with long ago. And in this particular situation, I find comfort in knowing that my grief stems from something wonderful. My baby girl, out there, chasing her dreams and becoming the woman she wants to be. There is a beauty in that. It makes her absence acceptable. Understandable. And as a mother, it is everything I could ever want for her.
That being said, today, with her here, all is right in my world. Balance has been restored. That part of me that was missing has been found. I feel whole again. And I simply couldn’t be happier.
Well, I hope you all have a day where you feel complete!!!