Today is Sidney’s 17th birthday. Typing that is just down right shocking. It’s absolutely unreal to me how fast time flies. But it does. I have been very lucky to have been home with all my children. I have virtually missed nothing of their growing up years. And for this I am truly thankful.
I have mentioned before that losing my mother so young made me focus on “staying in the moment”. I appreciated and continue to appreciate every experience I share with my children, good or bad. Those moments make up OUR story, never to be written the same way again. Raising my children has been my greatest joy in life. Nothing compares to this kind of love. And I’ve got it TIMES 4 over!
I realized something a few months ago, when Sidney passed the one year mark until her high school graduation. All of my efforts to help her (heck, all of them for that matter) grow and learn and become who she is now and who she is going to become in the future, all really translate into one thing.
Growing … away.
I have been preparing my children to live a life away from me. To not need me and to be able to rely on themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I will always be there for my children. If they need me, I’m there! And even if they don’t, I’m there! But this whole growing up thing really does mean getting them ready to leave. Albeit to start a wonderful life of their own, but for me at least … it’s all just a little sad.
I would be lying if I said this hasn’t proven to be a difficult process for me. It has. For months now I am thinking behind every outing, activity, and holiday that “this is a last of sorts”. A series of losses in the midst of realizing my first born baby is going to be a REAL adult in 364 days … and will likely leave for college even sooner than that.
As a parent you rear out of love and definitely in preparation of THAT DAY that your child will “leave” you. You hope that they will be strong enough emotionally and physically to take care of themselves. That you have prepared them to be independent and successful. I have no doubt that Sidney will take life by the horns and show it who’s boss. The MOM in me is excited to watch her THRIVE and KICK LIFE’S ASS! And trust me, Sidney is EXCITED to do so! But the MOMMY in me just wants to hold her baby girl in her arms … forever …
BIG TEARFUL SIGH …
Well, I hope you all have a day where you love someone so much that it hurts!!!